Slightly Off the Mark

Book reviews are incredibly important to authors. They give a sense of legitimacy, serve as free advertising, guide other readers to their works, and give them a better chance to have their story visible on certain book seller sites. Storm Chaser, for instance, had 28 ratings and 15 written reviews on Goodreads.

But since being re-released, Storm Chaser is down to only 7 ratings and 3 written reviews on Amazon, which is why I begged people who previously reviewed it to post their reviews again. From what I've heard, about 50 reviews are needed to trigger Amazon's mystical logarithms and increase traffic to your book.

(Plus it just got its first bad review, which dropped the average rating considerably.)

"If each of these came with a review, I'd have ... well, more reviews!"

It's hardly surprising, then, that some people resort to paying for reviews. If everyone who read a book would review it--even just pop in with an "I liked it"--it would be no problem, but most readers don't take the time. It's easy, on the other hand, to find people willing to review your book in exchange for money.

Unethical, maybe illegal in some cases, but easy.

Not only is it considered a form of cheating, but it would violate the terms of service for the big book seller site, Amazon. You do not want to be kicked off Amazon.

Some people even consider it in poor form to ask for free reviews, but most authors do it. They're not thrilled about it, any more than they're thrilled about doing promotion and publicity, but with over two million new books coming out every year, it's hard to avoid getting desperate.

Does this screenshot from a TV interview count as promotion? Yes. Yes, it does.

 When a group of people get desperate ... the scammers come out.

Awhile back I got this e-mail from "German W. Woo":

Goodness. Someone took their nasty pills. A day later I got this e-mail, from "Allison S. Cummins":

As of this writing, I am the only person offering GUARANTEED reviews for Amazon. If you are looking for more reviews for your book, please don't hesitate to contact me.

Friendly note to: Review beggars - Either have some respect for yourself and your book and learn to value and PAY for the time of reviewers as well, or please take a walk. We haven't opened a charity foundation here; this is a FOR-PROFIT business! I am sure you don't work for free in your professional life, so don't expect anyone else to work for free for you either!

Wait ... what's wrong with this picture? Let's take a look at another e-mail, from "Marion J. Jenkins":

As of this writing, I am the only person offering GUARANTEED reviews for Amazon. If you are looking for more reviews for your book, please don't hesitate to contact me. Don't want these emails? Then FU*K OFF from Goodreads and Facebook.

Not exactly friendly customer service. But wait ... each of them are the only people offering GUARANTEED reviews for Amazon? I thought anyone could post an Amazon review. Now here are three only ones. Shouldn't there only be one ... only one?

Also, aren't they being just a bit rude, for someone supposedly offering a service? They're not the government. Are they?

Well, scammers gotta scam, a**holes gotta ... um ... a**. It didn't concern me all that much until I got this message on my Goodreads account:

Mark, SWINE HOPE YOUR FAMILY DIES THIS NEW YEAR AND SALES OF YOUR PATHETIC BOOK BECOMES ZERO. BUY BOOK REVIEWS OR GET OUT OF GOODREADS ASAP. IF YOU DON'T, I WILL TELL ALL OF MY FRIENDS TO BUY AND REFUND YOUR BOOK ON AMAZON SO YOUR SALES RANK TANKS. YOU CAN'T PROMOTE YOUR BOOKS HERE WITHOUT PAYING ME. WE KNOW YOUR ADDRESS TOO -WILL SEND CRIMINALS AND THIEVES THERE SO YOUR NEW YEAR CELEBRATION IS SPOILED HAHA

 That was from Grace, who yelled the same message 39 times. I doubt very much that she has friends. Also, aren't thieves automatically criminals, except in Congress? Ironically, scammers don't seem to edit their threats. They also didn't count the number of guns (not to mention swords) in my house.

Wendall sent this one five times:

WE HAVE A COPY OF Hoosier Hysterical, WHICH WE WILL UPLOAD TO TPB, readfrom.net AND OTHER PIRATE SITES, IF YOU KEEP ON SPAMMING OUR GOODREADS SITE. ONLY WAY TO STOP US IS TO STOP ASKING FOR BOOK REVIEWS HERE PERMANENTLY. QUIT SPAMMING THIS SITE IF WE DON'T WANT US TO TAKE AFORESAID ACTIONS; YOUR LAWS CAN'T HARM US. DECIDE FAST

My first reaction was, "Yay, they bought a copy of Hoosier Hysterical!" My second was to laugh at someone who sent the same five messages, accusing me of spamming them.

So I decided fast, and my decision was f**k you.

I will not pay anyone for book reviews, let alone scumbag spammers like this. The closest I'll ever come to it is giving out advanced review copies, which is an accepted practice--but no money will go from me toward a review. Especially to an idiot.

 If you support my decision ... then please. leave a book review.

Remember these guys? It's the Santa Mafia, and they're watching you.

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Remember: Every book review is like Heavenly music sprinkled with chocolate.

 Five teens who otherwise have little in common bond over a shared tragedy: Five years earlier a steel mill exploded in Splendor, Ohio, leaving the surviving townspeople grieving.

Now Franny and her brother Arthur join Sofia, Remy, Levi, and Nick in filming a mockumentary web series they call "Ghost Hunters". It's all for fun and distraction--until they witness the crash of a disk-shaped object that engulfs them in light ... and gives them supernatural powers.

Soon they're being chased by the government, threatened by the recluse accused of causing the steel mill accident, and discovering their unusual abilities are anything but a gift. Their attempts to solve the mystery and escape detection make up the plot, but the heart of the story is with the teens, as they try to deal with their grief and sense of loss from an all too natural tragedy.

 Emily Henry's 2019 novel manages to balance the two, giving us real characters adjusting to an unreal situation that may include Franny being possessed by an alien. There's plenty of action and some twists I didn't see coming, but I was most impressed with Henry's ability to portray her damaged teenage characters. I noticed there was a high school activity book related to the novel, so it appears I wasn't the only one struck by her grasp of story and characters.

It's certainly worth giving Emily Henry's other books a look.

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Remember, authors who don't get enough reviews often get abducted by published aliens.

Emily and I decided to get The Flash on demand--which cost less than going to the theater, although I do love action movies on the big screen. As it turns out, maybe that was for the best.

One of the complaints I've heard about The Flash was that the CGI quality was bad. I did notice it a few times, but overall it didn't take me out of the story at all. Maybe that was seeing it on the small screen, or maybe it was because I grew up at a time when special effects were limited to miniature models and animation.

The other complaint is that the star, Ezra Miller, is a violent felon. That's kind of a big deal, and if it's true they should be in prison, or possible a secure mental institution, if those exist any more. I don't have a whole lot of sympathy for that kind of person.

But from a standpoint of the movie, I don't care.

Hollywood is full of terrible people. I'll bet most entertainment projects have at least one person who others should be protected from. I'm surprised when a celebrity turns out not to have skeletons in their proverbial closet. This is becoming more obvious with each passing year.

But I like a movie or I don't, and I loved The Flash. Not only that, but Miller did a great acting job, something I didn't expect in a superhero flick. The entire plot is driven by one tragedy in Barry Allen's past, and Miller gives a performance that could bring a tear to your eye.

 Which just goes to show, having talent is only part of what a person is.

I like strong characters, great dialogue, and a nice dose of humor. The Flash also hit on something more specific: I love time travel stories, crossovers, and tales involving a multiverse, the latter being why the Oscars and I finally agreed last year.

The movie starts when Barry Allen/Flash accidentally discovers he can time travel. Despite a warning about the dangers--from Batman, no less, who explains their losses are part of who they are--Barry latches onto the idea that he can save his mother, who died when he was a kid.

He plans his actions carefully, to make the least impact on the timeline and, of course, everything goes horribly wrong. A Big Bad from a previous DC movie shows up, but Superman doesn't exist to defeat him, this time; there don't seem to be any superheroes on this Earth. Barry finds himself trying to save a world that isn't his, anymore.

Other heroes eventually emerge, of course, and one of the joys of The Flash is seeing him and his new allies interacting. (If you've watched the previews, you know who they are.) There are also numerous cameos by other heroes, something I'm sure many people hated that gave me great joy. In the context of the story it makes sense, or at least as much sense movies about costumed meta-humans ever do.

There's also an after-credits scene that throws Barry's normal world on its side, and would beg explanation--if there was to be a sequel. I think it's safe to assume the next Flash will be a different actor in a rebooted universe, so there's no use pondering that.

So yes, we loved The Flash. I think most people, if they can see around the behind-the-scenes trouble, would too. Then again, some people hate superhero movies no matter how good they are, and if any of those people have read this far, I can only ask: why?

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Remember: If you don't like movies, there are always--books. 

 There's a new interview of me up on a website called Canvas Rebel:

It's basically an online magazine covering business, arts, and various creative types. Their main page is at https://canvasrebel.com/, where you can check out all the people who make me look like a slacker. It was a fun interview, although looking back at it I'm not sure my answers were more than indirectly related to the questions. I've been known to go off on tangents.

I just noticed, the opening calls me brilliant and insightful. It just goes to show how good I am at faking it.

 I promised that if I sell a hundred copies by the end of summer I'd recite one of my own poems and post it to the internet. This is not necessarily an encouragement, so remember that if I sell a thousand copies, I promise NOT to recite one of my poems. I mean, I wouldn't know iambic if it kicked me in the pentameter.

I'll remind you again at the beginning of the month, 'cause that's what I do.

Wow, this has turned out to be a link-based blog. Well, then, I'll say goodbye with some links to my various online stuff. Some of them, anyway:
 

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 Dave Volek goes for a peaceful revolution with his books about Tiered Democratic Governance, including Circles of a Future Politician: How an Average American Saves America. Dave's using the novel format to get the word out about a political system that works from the bottom up, instead of the other way around. That's something that could make for dry reading.

But it's also an idea that wouldn't appeal to people who profit from the top side down system, so I shouldn't have been surprised that this book, the third in a series, starts out with an assassination.

https://www.amazon.com/Circles-Future-Politician-Average-American-ebook/dp/B09QLFCM8C

The idea is fairly easy to follow, so although I haven't read the second book, it wasn't hard to pick up. This time we follow Eli Weasel and friends on the Tankosin Indiana Reservation, as they attempt their own version of the TDC idea. It's progressed slowly for the group, until other events challenge them to get more active. The story follows them for the next few years, as the concept gains popularity both on the Reservation and in nearby communities. Dave means to challenge the readers' thinking about government and, if read with an open and serious mind, it does.

The story is meant to guide the reader through the theory and the process of building a TDG, so of course there are scenes that move more deliberately than you'd normally expect in a novel. I was more surprised about some scenes of excellent writing, following Eli's thought processes as he goes about his normal life in addition to his efforts to improve his community. It's hard to balance out a book like this, but Dave makes it work--and gives us something to think about.

The author and I don't see eye to eye on every political issue ... but that doesn't make him wrong this time.

 A nerd, a bookworm, a jock, and a tomboy get together to solve a mystery in a haunted house, and discover it's just a guy in a costume. He'd have gotten away with it too, except for those kids--and their dog.

No--not those kids.

But it's pretty clear where Edgar Cantero got his inspiration when he wrote Meddling Kids, a darkly comic look at what happens when a Scooby-Doo like group of teens finally encounter a mystery in which there's just a little bit more going on than a get-rich scheme.

It was the gang's last case, and they also left town, haunted by what they saw. Andy is now wanted in two states; braniac Kerri the bookworm is a booze-soaked bartender living with the descendant of their dog; Nate the horror nerd keeps checking himself into mental hospitals, but at least he stays in touch with jock Peter ... although that's problematical, because Peter committed suicide years before.

Andy brings the team back together, convinced they have to face whatever happened that last night in the old mansion. What they find is right out of H.P. Lovecraft; it's not in a costume, and it threatens a whole lot more than just their sanity.

The meddling kids and their adult sidekicks.

Edgar Cantero has a unique writing style, something I'm not usually a fan of. He throws in long run-on sentences, invented words, and sometimes a sparse, screenplay style of scene writing that includes only the dialogue. It's original, often fun, and something that would get thrown directly in the trash if it came across the average book editor's submission pile, but it works.

As Andy gets the team back together and tackles the horror their hometown has become, we get a story of humor and terror that's also filled with poignancy, which is a real word I just looked up. All together Meddling Kids is a rich journey that combines nostalgia with a good measure of scares, and gives us a good idea of how things might have progressed with the Scooby gang in real life.

And it puts me squarely on Edgar Cantero's fan list ... if not before, than definitely after the last scene with the dog.

Decades ago, slackers Bill and Ted learned that they would someday be loved worldwide, and that they would write a Song that would bring the world together.

Backed by that knowledge, they formed a band that became insanely popular ... but as time went on the Song didn't come, and as Bill and Ted Face the Music opens, they're slacker dads reduced to playing at nursing homes and open mic nights.

Which, naturally, sets the entire universe to unraveling.

So Bill and Ted try to solve the problem the easy way. Experienced time travelers, they'll simply travel to the future, and take the already written Song from the future Bill and Ted. Excellent! Meanwhile their daughters, Thea and Billie, take matters into their own hands by traveling to the past, to collect famous musicians into a backup band for their fathers.

Bill and Ted Face the Music is exactly what we need in these times--pure fun. If you hate time travel stories, or if you're one of those purists who questions every aspect of time travel cause and effects, I can't help you. Otherwise, just relax and have fun as Bill and Ted try to save the universe and their marriages. The further into the future they go, the more outlandish their future selves are. Meanwhile, the daughter of their original helper, Rufus (George Carlin naturally gets a shout-out), and a murder robot sent to institute Plan B--killing Bill and Ted (again)--are playing catch up.

The only problem I had with the long time between movies is that occasionally Keanu Reeves just looked too old to be this character again. It's not his fault--in fact, Reeves and Alex Winter race through the movie with the same innocent, zany energy of their first appearance. I think it was the lack of a beard, and long hair that, as my wife put it, actually made him resemble Harry Potter's Severus Snape. Believe me, it didn't prevent me from enjoying the movie.

A special shout-out to Anthony Carrigan, who plays the robot--its actual name is Dennis Caleb McCoy, he points out. It's an hysterical performance that just gets funnier as it goes on. We also get another great mix of historical figures, this time all music related. Oh, and Death. It wouldn't be the same without William Sadler showing up.

My favorite new characters were Bill and Ted's daughters: Thea and Billie basically take on the same job their fathers did in the original Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure. They're just like their fathers, and they even take on some of the same mannerisms as the older pair. I wouldn't at all mind seeing a sequel headlining the two women--or even a series.

 My score:

Entertainment Value: 4 out of 4 M&Ms. The ending was a bit abrupt, but otherwise it was plenty of fun.

Oscar Potential: 2 out of 4 M&Ms. Movies aren't easy to make, but everyone makes this one look like a gathering of friends just having a good time. The Academy hates happiness.

Military pilot True Brighton was forced out of her job when robotic flying machines made human pilots obsolete. Now she's a member of Requisite Operations, a private military company; as The Last Good man opens, her team is plotting an operation to rescue hostages in the lawless Mideast.

But during the operation, True learns one of the terrorists may have a connection to her son--who was tortured and murdered for all the world to see, after a failed military operation several years before.

Linda Nagata is one of the masters of near-future science fiction, and in The Last Good Man she shows us a world so close to ours that in a few more years it might not be fiction at all. Dominated by robotics, paranoia becomes real when flying machines or spies the size of bugs can be watching your every move. It's the future of war, and the warriors are beginning to wonder if their future is to be overwhelmed by mechanized weapons.

The Last Good Man starts slowly, as the characters meticulously plan out their opening operation. In that way it's much like a John Grisham or Michael Crichton novel, rich in details that set your firmly into the story's universe. Some readers might not like that, and the first few chapters did drag a little, a few times. But no detail is unimportant, and once the mission starts the book barrels forward like a runaway train.

True Brighton makes discoveries that bring the horror of her son's death back to her, and soon she finds herself at odds with her own team and family, as she investigates a crime that might be much more than anyone thought. All the time she navigates through a paranoid world of constant surveillance, from machines that were once in the roll of spies, but are being weaponized--sometimes without human supervision.

In the end it's a complex and powerful tale. Why Linda Nagata (who was my instructor in a science fiction writing course, back when that stuff was done by U.S. Mail) isn't a bigger name in the writing world is beyond me.