ozma914 | Recent Entries

A lot of people asked what I planned to do after retirement.

Work, of course.

I'm taking early social security, and I also have a nice retirement benefit after 35 years, but between the two I'll still be making far less than I did on the job. That's okay, because I've always planned to work until I drop--I just wanted to do the work that, well, I wanted to do.

And so, there's the writing thing. But that doesn't mean I don't want to have some fun ... or take it easy, and the two aren't always the same thing.

I tried an air show at Pokagon State Park, but everyone wanted to get high.

Have you seen all those ads about retired people doing amazing things? Diving into pools, hiking the Appalachian Trail, taking the grandkids to Disneyland, being a roadie for The Rolling Stones ...

I've noticed a lot of those ads are from drug companies that medicate you into being able to do those amazing things. "Don't forget the side effects for Neweryu, the little chartreuse pill: forgetfulness, suicidal thoughts, spontaneous limb separation, anal leakage ... and don't take if you're allergic to Neweryu, or its ingredients that we haven't told you about. Neweryu, for a newer you!"

I'd be satisfied to be able to get out of bed without alerting the neighbors. "Hear that cracking, popping, groaning sound next door? Mark got up to mow his lawn."

As we drove through central Indiana a retirement activity hit me: I could restore tanks!

It used to take two hours to mow my lawn. Now it takes two days and five bottles of Gatorade.

What do the doctors say? "Eat right and exercise, get some fresh air!"

Fresh air? When Emily and I go to the park we don't use sunblock; we smear Icy Hot over ourselves. And not in a sexy way.

Actually, we use Biofreeze, which we get from our chiropractor. I'll have to stock up, because in a few years I'll be on Medicare, and I'm told they don't cover routine chiropractic treatment. Worse case scenario, if the pain gets too bad, somewhere back in the pantry there's a half bottle of rum from New Years Eve, 2011.

But let's go back to the doctors, who want me to exercise to cure the fact that I can't exercise. "Just walk a little way, to start." Well, what do you think I've been doing? The kitchen's a little way. On a related note, as for eating right--to heck with that. I'm going for steaks and chocolate. I don't know how many meals I have left; why pollute them with spinach and lettuce?

It's a great historic bridge, but ... where are the benches?

So yeah, I'm leaning toward taking it easy, more than gallivanting. Do people still gallivant? Probably not, but I have no desire to take polka lessons, or play pickleball. Pickleball is just anther sport to make me look foolish as my paddle/racket/stick thing swishes through the air for a clean miss.

But it could be worse. I'm trading two jobs in which I sat in a chair at a keyboard for one job in which I sit in a chair and keyboard, and that one is way less stressful. Less stress helps a lot. So if you see someone on the Appalachian Trail who looks like me ...

It's not me.

Support my retirement! Find our books here:

· Amazon: https://www.amazon.com/-/e/B0058CL6OO

· Barnes & Noble: https://www.barnesandnoble.com/s/"Mark R Hunter"

· Goodreads: https://www.goodreads.com/author/show/4898846.Mark_R_Hunter

· Blog: https://markrhunter.blogspot.com/

· Website: http://www.markrhunter.com/

· Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/ozma914/

· Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/MarkRHunter914

· Linkedin: https://www.linkedin.com/in/markrhunter/

· Twitter: https://twitter.com/MarkRHunter

· Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/@MarkRHunter

· Substack: https://substack.com/@markrhunter

· Tumblr: https://www.tumblr.com/ozma914

· Smashwords: https://www.smashwords.com/profile/view/ozma914

· Audible: https://www.audible.com/search?searchAuthor=Mark+R.+Hunter&ref_pageloadid=4C1TS2KZGoOjloaJ&pf

Remember: Every time an author retires, a typewriter gets it wings.

Current Mood: sore
Current Location: the couch
Current Music: the Olympicss

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I'm going to try to blog twice a week from now on: Some social media gurus think that's the optimum amount to stay visible without drowning in a sea of internet. I'm thinking a shorter blog midweek, maybe something about history, what with the 250th anniversary of the USA coming up.

Or pet pictures.

This is Indiana Jones, who goes by Indy for calling time reasons. He's my oldest daughter's dog--we pet-sat for him while she was out of town for a few days. He's a bit of a face licker, and Heaven help you if he gets through the door without a leash, but he's also very cuddly. Also, as we all know, happiness is a warm puppy, especially in winter. (He's not 2 yet, so close enough to puppy.) Unlike our beloved dog Beowulf, he's happy to be a foot (or side) warmer in bed all night.

Beowulf had a job and he knew it: Protect his humans, and guard his home. He rarely stayed in one place for longer than half an hour before he set off on patrol. Indy is way more laid back, although he'll let you know if he hears someone coming.

If I look a little rough in this photo, I was going through some back pain issues at the time. I doubt Indy would have let me put him on the couch and press my lower back against him for heat, but this time of year you can always find ice.

I looked a little better last time we took care of him.

Indy's very lovable, but generally Emily and I prefer larger dogs. Beowulf was big, and he could look a lot bigger when you didn't notice him coming. The dog I wrote into We Love Trouble is based on Beowulf, but is all black, much bigger, and has, shall we say, an unusual brain. (You haven't missed it--that novel is still in the submission process.)

We Love Trouble is a humorous murder mystery with ghosts in it--but the ghosts aren't directly involved in the murder. We'll see if that idea gets any bites.

Our books aren’t as cuddly as a warm puppy, but they’re just as entertaining and don’t have to go out to potty.

· Amazon: https://www.amazon.com/-/e/B0058CL6OO

· Barnes & Noble: https://www.barnesandnoble.com/s/"Mark R Hunter"

· Goodreads: https://www.goodreads.com/author/show/4898846.Mark_R_Hunter

· Blog: https://markrhunter.blogspot.com/

· Website: http://www.markrhunter.com/

· Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/ozma914/

· Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/MarkRHunter914

· Linkedin: https://www.linkedin.com/in/markrhunter/

· Twitter: https://twitter.com/MarkRHunter

· Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/@MarkRHunter

· Substack: https://substack.com/@markrhunter

· Tumblr: https://www.tumblr.com/ozma914

· Smashwords: https://www.smashwords.com/profile/view/ozma914

· Audible: https://www.audible.com/search?searchAuthor=Mark+R.+Hunter&ref_pageloadid=4C1TS2KZGoOjloaJ&pf

Remember: Authors with pets depend on book sales for food. And bones.

Current Mood: cuddly
Current Location: the dog house
Current Music: Snoopy

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I was going to write a loving Valentine's Day salute to my wife, otherwise known as sucking up. But I hurt my back (it's that or sickness every freaking holiday and anniversary), and the med I'm on has me hearing green, counting room spins, and rhyming "heart" with "barf". Instead, I ~~stole~~ chose some holiday related images.

When I started looking for fun images, the first thing I noticed is that there are a LOT of single people out there who are just a bit, shall we say, bitter.

I've been there, back in the olden days. Still, some are trying.

They're not necessarily doing well, but they're trying.

For we people who are taken, there's still a challenge. Well, not for the women so much, but for the men.

Been there, too. In fact, been there on Valentine's Day morning, every one of the last ten years.

My wife and I spend a lot of time together--she's doing work related to my writing career, while I selfishly just write, so you could say we're coworkers.

But that's cool, because we're both the boss, when that's okay with her.

And the strangest part is that after almost eight years of marriage we still get along, even when I annoy her, which is usually.

Cute. By the way, I'm much older than her, so that image isn't accurate. I looked for one, and let me give you a piece of advice: Don't Google "Older Man With Younger Women" unless you're sure of your safe search settings.

I love Emily lots. I even say it a lot, because I try not to take her for granted, even though I still sometimes do. I told her the other day that in addition to having her, I wouldn't have a writing career if she hadn't come along and started pushing me. I wouldn't have gone outside my comfort zone on some great vacations. I wouldn't have had the dog, who was our furry child.

I also wouldn't have to worry about Valentine's Day. But hey ... you make sacrifices for love.

As always, books make great gifts, and you can find ours in various places:

· Amazon: https://www.amazon.com/-/e/B0058CL6OO

· Barnes & Noble: https://www.barnesandnoble.com/s/"Mark R Hunter"

· Goodreads: https://www.goodreads.com/author/show/4898846.Mark_R_Hunter

· Blog: https://markrhunter.blogspot.com/

· Website: http://www.markrhunter.com/

· Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/ozma914/

· Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/MarkRHunter914

· Linkedin: https://www.linkedin.com/in/markrhunter/

· Twitter: https://twitter.com/MarkRHunter

· Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/@MarkRHunter

· Substack: https://substack.com/@markrhunter

· Tumblr: https://www.tumblr.com/ozma914

· Smashwords: https://www.smashwords.com/profile/view/ozma914

· Audible: https://www.audible.com/search?searchAuthor=Mark+R.+Hunter&ref_pageloadid=4C1TS2KZGoOjloaJ&pf

Remember: Sales, reviews, and other encouragement are love letters to authors.

Current Mood: loved
Current Location: in your heart
Current Music: Engless Love

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(These aren't really Olympic sized thoughts--just small thoughts on the Olympics which, possibly, I wrote eight years ago. The thoughts, not the Olympics.)

Okay, let's not take it TOO seriously.

Probably the only downhill sport I'd have a chance of making it through would be sledding, otherwise known as luge or skeleton. That's because I'm incapable of standing on any moving object other than my own feet, and sometimes the feet part isn't easy.

But while I used to sled a lot, that was at, oh, ten miles per hour or so. Anyone who goes face first at seventy miles per hour ... well, there's a reason why it's called skeleton. Because "mangled body" seemed a little too obvious.

There is another kind of sledding in the Olympics, but apparently competitors are required to be named "Bob". There's only so much I'll do for my sport.

Speaking of sports in which I'd never made it to the end of the course, I've noticed that downhill skiers seem to be flying as much as they're skiing. Let's make it more interesting and fit them with small wings, just to see what happens.

I don't know this guy, but I'm very happy for his survival.

There's a skiing event that consists entirely of skiing down bumps. I can't stand to watch it: It kills my knees.

"Salchow" is pronounced "sow cow" ... and as such, just doesn't seem like a figure skating move.

That group snowboarding competition ... did some Olympic official happen to catch a NASCAR race and think, "That's what the winter Games needs: massive pileups!"

Figure skating has been a favorite of mine since I was a kid. But I'll be the first to admit that back then I was all about the ladies and the short skirts. Now that I'm older I'm still fascinated, because how the heck do they even--? I mean, try just standing on ice skates. Their routines are, according to the laws of physics, as impossible as me making it to the other end of the rink.

I never tried pairs figure skating because I don't like getting stitches.

It's a magic trick--try to disconnect the rings! Nice try.

I just watched a pair figure skate to music from Star Wars, and it made me realize Jedi would be fantastic athletes. Luke skiing, Anakin throwing Padme through about fifty spins on the ice, Vader as a bad boy snowboarder ... Yoda as a coach. Emperor Palpatine ruling the evil land just to the north (When I wrote this, the Olympics were in South Korea). R2D2 as a judge. I've just created a whole new subgenre of fanfiction.

Curling. It's indecipherable, and a joy to make fun of. Unless you seriously watch it for about an hour, then it becomes addictive. What dark magic is that? It's shuffleboard on ice. And I'm watching it.

Every time I watch ski jumping, all I can think of it the Wide World Of Sport's "agony of defeat". This removes much of the fun for me:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P2AZH4FeGsc

In the end I'm not a sport fan so much as an events fan: Every two years I watch sports that I don't even think about the rest of the time. It's the same reason why I like to watch the Indy 500 even though I have no interest in racing, and I used to watch the Superbowl even though I haven't seen a non-Superbowl football game in twenty years. I've even caught a World Series game, or two.

But not basketball. Basketball is the rap of sports.

Decatha--what?

If you’re the only one in your family who’s not a sports fan, there are always books:

· Amazon: https://www.amazon.com/-/e/B0058CL6OO

· Barnes & Noble: https://www.barnesandnoble.com/s/"Mark R Hunter"

· Goodreads: https://www.goodreads.com/author/show/4898846.Mark_R_Hunter

· Blog: https://markrhunter.blogspot.com/

· Website: http://www.markrhunter.com/

· Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/ozma914/

· Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/MarkRHunter914

· Linkedin: https://www.linkedin.com/in/markrhunter/

· Twitter: https://twitter.com/MarkRHunter

· Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/@MarkRHunter

· Substack: https://substack.com/@markrhunter

· Tumblr: https://www.tumblr.com/ozma914

· Smashwords: https://www.smashwords.com/profile/view/ozma914

· Audible: https://www.audible.com/search?searchAuthor=Mark+R.+Hunter&ref_pageloadid=4C1TS2KZGoOjloaJ&pf

Remember: Don’t try this at home, even if you live right by a hospital.

Current Mood: busy
Current Location: on the slopes
Current Music: John Williams

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I doubt many people take a job with the plan of staying on until retirement. I didn't; I was going to be a firefighter who wrote books on his off days. But about 34 years ago I went to work at the Noble County Jail, and a few years later moved to dispatch, and I've been there ever since. We're now in a different building, calling ourselves Noble County Communications, but at its heart the job remains the same.

Nobody does anything for 34 years, anymore. Is it any wonder that, despite how burned out I became toward the end, I'm still leaving with mixed feelings?

As time went on I saw a lot of other people come and go. I became unhappy there--partially because I wasn't writing books, partially because it can tear your heart out. But I'm going to miss the people. Not the ones on the other end of the phone line, necessarily, but the ones I worked with.

When you spend a third of your life with the same people, they become a family. Of course, sometimes families get dysfunctional! But we are a family, and I'll miss them. Maybe I'll come and just hang out in dispatch. Probably not; at least, not until I get myself off the stress, depression, and blood pressure medications.

I won't miss some of the technology, most of which didn't exist when I started. We had one computer, with a little green screen (remember DOS?) that we used to run license plates and driver's licenses. Paging a fire department or ambulances involved pushing actual buttons. Every new call to be dispatched was written out on a half-sized sheet of paper called a green sheet, which was--green. Traffic stops didn't get written down at all.

At the end I was sitting at a console with seven monitors, one main keyboard, and three mice. On an average night we have 8-9 browser tabs up (texting, recorder, EMS map, and so on), the phone board, the radio board with its 27 channels on five tabs, and, of course, the Computer Aided Dispatch program.

The CAD program was by (Redacted Company Name). I hate (RCN). We've never had an easy to use CAD, but (RCN) was deliberately made to be as non-intuitive as possible. I'm convinced of that. I was always running into trouble by trying to do things in a way that made sense. There are always five more steps than should be necessary. At first I thought this was all stuff (RCN) was working on fixing, but I came to realize their programmers are actually having fun. Maybe playing a drinking game: "Take a shot whenever anyone curses at the system!" Bunch of alcoholics.

Anyway, for every bad time it seems like there was a good, all because of dark humor and mutual support. We, the often overwhelmed dispatchers, should always remember that we do a lot of good. We save lives, and send help, and that ain't too shabby. Thank you for everyone who's put in the effort over the years.

We really need to seek out more mental health care, though.

My current shift partners

Of course, this means I now write full time, so look us up here:

· Amazon: https://www.amazon.com/-/e/B0058CL6OO

· Barnes & Noble: https://www.barnesandnoble.com/s/"Mark R Hunter"

· Goodreads: https://www.goodreads.com/author/show/4898846.Mark_R_Hunter

· Blog: https://markrhunter.blogspot.com/

· Website: http://www.markrhunter.com/

· Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/ozma914/

· Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/MarkRHunter914

· Linkedin: https://www.linkedin.com/in/markrhunter/

· Twitter: https://twitter.com/MarkRHunter

· Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/@MarkRHunter

· Substack: https://substack.com/@markrhunter

· Tumblr: https://www.tumblr.com/ozma914

· Smashwords: https://www.smashwords.com/profile/view/ozma914

· Audible: https://www.audible.com/search?searchAuthor=Mark+R.+Hunter&ref_pageloadid=4C1TS2KZGoOjloaJ&pf

Remember: Reading is always preferable to calling 911 unless, of course, there’s an actual emergency.

Current Mood: accomplished
Current Location: home
Current Music: whatever I want

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If you've followed me long enough, you've probably heard of the Infamous Exploding Lawn Mower Incident.

But probably not--it happened a very long time ago, when my main social media was LiveJournal. Maybe I'll track it down and reprint it one day. It was quite the tale: mushroom clouds, HazMat response, involvement with both the ATF and the Federal Aviation Administration, a Time Magazine article entitled "Will Flying Lawn Mower Blades Cause Global Cooling?" To this day, it's believed an engine bolt is orbiting Earth.

Really, the only way I could top that would be to set fire to a snowblower.

It couldn't be as bad as the mower. First of all, the snowblower was electric, and didn't have much power to begin with. That might be what killed it: Overwork. this is the first time I ever tried to run it through three foot snow drifts, and I suspect it was designed more for Texans who use them once every five years for a two inch catastrophe.

Besides, it was four degrees, and still snowing. A shovel full from a foot away, and any small appliance fire is out. I've responded to grass fires where I just stepped out of the fire engine and stomped the flames out with my boot--it was like that. Embarrassing. A wafting wisp of smoke, to be poetic.

Which doesn't mean the incident won't get bigger and bigger, every time I describe it. By the turn of the decade it will involve a blizzard, the National Guard, and the Space Force zapping parts out of orbit.

What happened? Well, the snowblower acted a lot like my back: It complained mildly, then it screamed in agony, then it stopped working. I put ice on both of them.

I suspect it burned out a belt thingy, as happened last year with our vacuum cleaner. (The snowblower, not my back.) There was smoke then, too. In that case I replaced the broken belt, and it still wouldn't work right. Now we have a new vacuum cleaner that I'm afraid to use.

Will I try to fix the snowblower? Probably not. We got it on clearance, it's four years old, and every light in the house dimmed whenever I plugged it in. I probably should consider myself lucky for not being electrocuted the first time, let alone trying to replace a belt thingy. Besides, I'm only assuming there is a belt thingy.

Now I can only hope there's not another snowstorm this winter, and we all know how my hopes go. Since I'm retiring from dispatch, I figured out how many books we needed to sell to replace the blower, and it comes out to 347, depending on the book. I can do that in a year, but by then we'll probably have to replace the stove.

The good news is that the neighbors on either side of me have real snowblowers, the gas powered kind. They've always been nice to me, at least since the restraining order prevented me from singing outside.

I should consider myself fortunate the DHS didn't set up a tent in our yard again--it killed all the grass, last time.

Maybe that was for the best.

There's always the traditional method.

None of our books have ever been reported as catching fire:

· Amazon: https://www.amazon.com/-/e/B0058CL6OO

· Barnes & Noble: https://www.barnesandnoble.com/s/"Mark R Hunter"

· Goodreads: https://www.goodreads.com/author/show/4898846.Mark_R_Hunter

· Blog: https://markrhunter.blogspot.com/

· Website: http://www.markrhunter.com/

· Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/ozma914/

· Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/MarkRHunter914

· Linkedin: https://www.linkedin.com/in/markrhunter/

· Twitter: https://twitter.com/MarkRHunter

· Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/@MarkRHunter

· Substack: https://substack.com/@markrhunter

· Tumblr: https://www.tumblr.com/ozma914

· Smashwords: https://www.smashwords.com/profile/view/ozma914

· Audible: https://www.audible.com/search?searchAuthor=Mark+R.+Hunter&ref_pageloadid=4C1TS2KZGoOjloaJ&pf

Remember: Most authors are so mechanically incompetent they need book sales to pay for home repairs.

Current Mood: cold
Current Location: in a snow bank
Current Music: Summer Dreams

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This has been around for a while now, but I still think it's a good choice for a Valentine's Day gift--assuming you haven't already bought it for a Valentine's Day gift. Flowers annually are accepted; the same book every year would bring you trouble.

Let me run this scenario past you. Your significant other says, "You never use your imagination when you get me gifts."

So Instead of flowers or chocolate, this year you give her flower-shaped chocolates.

Let me know how sleeping on the couch works out.

Or, you can get them a book about Valentine's Day. Now that I think about it, maybe you should have it delivered with flowers ... just in case.

https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/1936955040

A bunch of us got together a decade or so ago to write this humor anthology, and it could save your romantic life ... unless you got a copy last year, too. In that case--unless you have a different significant other--you might want to consider lingerie. Or, um ... chocolate flavored lingerie in a flower print.

Or you could gift them one of my romantic comedy novels. They're about romance, after all--but a book that actually has a Valentine on the cover seems appropriate.

Another good reason to stay home with our books is right there in the weather forecast.

· Amazon: https://www.amazon.com/-/e/B0058CL6OO

· Barnes & Noble: https://www.barnesandnoble.com/s/"Mark R Hunter"

· Goodreads: https://www.goodreads.com/author/show/4898846.Mark_R_Hunter

· Blog: https://markrhunter.blogspot.com/

· Website: http://www.markrhunter.com/

· Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/ozma914/

· Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/MarkRHunter914

· Linkedin: https://www.linkedin.com/in/markrhunter/

· Twitter: https://twitter.com/MarkRHunter

· Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/@MarkRHunter

· Substack: https://substack.com/@markrhunter

· Tumblr: https://www.tumblr.com/ozma914

· Smashwords: https://www.smashwords.com/profile/view/ozma914

· Audible: https://www.audible.com/search?searchAuthor=Mark+R.+Hunter&ref_pageloadid=4C1TS2KZGoOjloaJ&pf

Remember: Reading can be a great way to not be outside in January.

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I first posted this in October, 2006. You historians, check and see how right (or wrong) I was.

Like most prognosticators, I usually reserve my predictions column until the end of the year. But I don’t see any point in waiting because, frankly, I’m usually wrong.

I sure hope I’m wrong this time.

I say that because we’re in for a recession, most likely a worldwide one, the worst since the early 1980’s. I can’t tell you exactly when it will start, but batten down the hatches, ‘cause it’s coming.

(I was, sadly, right on this one: the Great Recession hit about a year later.)

One indicator of an economic downturn is when automakers start tightening their belts. As usual, America’s automakers were far behind the times, continuing to turn out big ol’ SUV’s when the high gas price writing was on the “holy cow! We can’t afford this” wall. There may be a rally in the used car market, as people trade for cars that could fit in the trunks of their old vehicles, but the gas-sucking gravy train is over. Where the consumers go, the automakers go. Where the automakers go, the parts suppliers go. Where the parts suppliers go – well, we’re all going to heck in a hand basket, if we can afford one.

Meanwhile, back at the ranch house, the housing boom bubble is bursting as we speak. A lot of people have been making their living in the construction industry, but, like an overdose of Ex-Lax, it’s an artificial movement that can’t be sustained forever.

Add the two together, and the economy is going to dump like … well, see above about Ex-Lax. That’s one reason why I’m making my predictions now: I have an uneasy feeling all this will be obvious by early 2007.

(Was it? I don't remember.)

Here’s how the rest of the decade and beyond will go:

November, 2006: The Democrats take control of both houses of Congress in not-very-close elections. For the next two years G.W. Bush uses his veto power more than in the entire previous six years of his presidency. Except for the ongoing attempts to impeach Bush, the government grinds to a halt. No one notices.

Attempts are made by Congress to impeach every future president until 2042, when President Jenna Bush-Clinton successfully pushes through an amendment to the Constitution that punishes “frivolous impeachment” with ... impeachment.

February, 2007: Riots break out in Wal-Marts when employees begin putting up Christmas, 2007 merchandise displays.

May, 2007: The 2008 presidential campaign begins in earnest. By the end of the year there are 26 Democrat candidates, 19 Republican candidates, 78 independent candidates, and Ralph Nader.

August, 2007: Ford declares bankruptcy, beginning a long legal battle that culminates in a government bail-out. By 2011 Ford is solvent again, and making a profit off hybrid electric cars they’ve had the technology for since 1989. They don't repay the taxpayers.

(I may have been a bit off on this one.)

Spring, 2008: As the primary season begins, the mainstream media makes a concentrated effort to uncover every single bad thing every Republican candidate ever did, from childbirth. Fighting back, bloggers and Midwest talk show hosts begin a similar investigation of all Democratic candidates.

In response, by July, 2008, all presidential candidates drop out of the race. Ralph Nader declares himself provisional leader and attempts to move into the White House, but is driven off by a cigar-wielding Rush Limbaugh. A grass roots campaign begins to draft Colin Powell, but he flees the country.

November, 2008: Moderate voters stay away from the polls in droves, but of the 15% who do vote, most vote for the Democratic candidate. The Democrats declare they’ve been given a mandate by America to make changes, which they proceed to not make. Colin Powell returns from his “vacation” in Australia.

Early 2009: Bio-fuels have become so successful in North America that foreign oil imports actually fall. Certain countries get very nervous.

October, 2010: The Cubs lose the World Series when a playback review reveals their winning runner forgot to touch third base.

Summer, 2011: The recovering economy takes a hit when bad weather across the country ruins crops. For the first time, people wonder what will happen if all that bio-fuel has to go back to making food.

September, 2011: New Orleans sinks. Ex-mayor Nagin stages a protest in front of ex-President Bush’s ranch.

January, 2012: Food riots break out – there’s enough to supply everyone, but not enough bio-diesel to get the food to market.

November, 2012: The President is reelected in a squeaker, thanks in part to the first Hispanic Vice-Presidential candidate. Recounts are necessary in Pennsylvania, New Jersey, and the new state of West Michigan.

(How did I not mention Florida?)

July, 2014: The first coal fueled, steam powered car goes online. Everyone proclaims it the most original thing they’ve ever seen.

Print this out, people. Wait and see.

I predict you can find our books at some of these places:

· Amazon: https://www.amazon.com/-/e/B0058CL6OO

· Barnes & Noble: https://www.barnesandnoble.com/s/"Mark R Hunter"

· Goodreads: https://www.goodreads.com/author/show/4898846.Mark_R_Hunter

· Blog: https://markrhunter.blogspot.com/

· Website: http://www.markrhunter.com/

· Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/ozma914/

· Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/MarkRHunter914

· Linkedin: https://www.linkedin.com/in/markrhunter/

· Twitter: https://twitter.com/MarkRHunter

· Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/@MarkRHunter

· Substack: https://substack.com/@markrhunter

· Tumblr: https://www.tumblr.com/ozma914

· Smashwords: https://www.smashwords.com/profile/view/ozma914

· Audible: https://www.audible.com/search?searchAuthor=Mark+R.+Hunter&ref_pageloadid=4C1TS2KZGoOjloaJ&pf

Remember: Reading is much more fun than worrying about the future.

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There's a lot more to writing than just putting words on a page, although you might not know it by the way some writers talk. Me, for instance.

I hit 34,000 words on my rough draft of Hoosier Hysterical 2: Subtitle Goes Here. (Still working on that subtitle.) Well worth celebrating, but there's a problem: It's just not funny enough. Oh, it has humor, but the original Hoosier Hysterical: How the West Became the Midwest Without Moving at All had a lot of humor. Some people might not recognize it, but that subtitle was supposed to be humorous.

We did stumble across amusing places, now and then.

But last time I covered the history of Indiana, and this time I decided to dive into the people who've come and gone, and left their mark on the Hoosier state. Some of those stories are amazing, inspiring, and too often, sad. Once I started following them, I dove down that author's rabbit whole and ended up with whole chapters about one person.

There's James Dean's breakneck career--okay, bad way to put it, considering how he died. There were black people and women who made it big one way or another, even though at the time their "kind" weren't expected to make anything at all. There were inventors and entertainers who came to a sad end.

It was fascinating stuff, but in some cases the best I could do, for instance, was make fun of Sarah Breedlove's name. It's a cheap shot, but I'm a cheap writer. However, Sarah Breedlove was the first person in her family not to be born into slavery, then had a hard early life, then her hair started falling out. As *ahem* I say, "It's just like a country song, except her dog didn't die and there's no pickup truck".

Although ... how do I know she didn't have a dog that died?

A stop on the Underground Railroad. Cool, not funny.

Anyway, C.J. Walker of Indianapolis ended up employing thousands of people to make and sell her hair care products, became the wealthiest black woman in America, and had a freaking Barbie doll modeled after her.

That's not funny. That's awesome.

So, I'm going to work on that. I have a feeling a lot of the already-written words will have to go away, or maybe I'll use them in blogs. Or maybe I'll write a companion book: "Hoosier Not-Hysterical: Really Cool People, and How They Got There".

At least I have my subtitle.

We passed through Rural, Indiana in rural Indiana. That's good for a smile.

You can count the words in our books by following these links; but why bother counting?

· Amazon: https://www.amazon.com/-/e/B0058CL6OO

· Barnes & Noble: https://www.barnesandnoble.com/s/"Mark R Hunter"

· Goodreads: https://www.goodreads.com/author/show/4898846.Mark_R_Hunter

· Blog: https://markrhunter.blogspot.com/

· Website: http://www.markrhunter.com/

· Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/ozma914/

· Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/MarkRHunter914

· Linkedin: https://www.linkedin.com/in/markrhunter/

· Twitter: https://twitter.com/MarkRHunter

· Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/@MarkRHunter

· Substack: https://substack.com/@markrhunter

· Tumblr: https://www.tumblr.com/ozma914

· Smashwords: https://www.smashwords.com/profile/view/ozma914

· Audible: https://www.audible.com/search?searchAuthor=Mark+R.+Hunter&ref_pageloadid=4C1TS2KZGoOjloaJ&pf

Remember: It’s not the words, so much as how they’re arranged.

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Lots of us knew AI would be trouble, but nobody listened. We knew it would want to kill all of us -- that was a given. We didn't expect it to take over all the artistic stuff humans were doing.

"I have a book in me. I'll be back with it."

Of the thirty million books published on Amazon in 2023, 45% were written using AI. Another 52% were written by AI. A new AI written book is produced every time I hit the snooze button on my alarm clock. Artificial Intelligence doesn't argue over book contracts, doesn't miss deadlines, and doesn't have booze filled lost weekends when they're supposed to be editing their manuscript.

I hate AI.

I also hate spam. Not the food, but the emails, messages, and phone calls from people who want your money in return for, preferably, nothing. Until recently. Now I've discovered something AI generated spam can be good for.

You see, I've been getting emails from "people" who want to help me reach more readers, get more book reviews, and overall do all those things writers would really like help at doing. It used to be easy to tell which messages were spam:

"Dear Sir Mark"

But not anymore. Now AI takes two tenths of a millisecond to read everything ever written on my social media, including about my books, and generates an email so personalized it actually makes you hesitate. For instance, I got this one:

"Your upcoming release Haunted Noble County, Indiana immediately caught my attention. The way you blend small-town history with eerie legends from haunted hills and theaters to the mysterious “Thing in the Basement” creates the perfect mix of folklore and spine-tingling intrigue.

"I also love that you both bring a historian’s eye to the paranormal. It gives readers not just chills, but a deeper appreciation of the places and people behind the stories. Books like this are perfect for both history buffs and fans of the supernatural."

Wow. That's a book I want to read! The only thing suspicious is that "Abdullahi", whose email address looks like a cat walked across the keyboard, then adds, "I’d be happy to share ideas on how you could amplify excitement and reach more readers who crave the haunted and the historical."

Hey--I'm the idea guy.

"Can computers hold my books in a photo? I mean, other than ebooks?"

Before I hit delete, I got a brainstorm. Writers hate writing blurbs, and most hate doing promotion. What if I kept the good stuff from the AI spam--and used it for promotion? Check out this one:

"Haunted Noble County, Indiana sounds fascinating, blending history with ghostly legends feels like such a unique way to capture the spirit (and spirits!) of the area. The “Thing in the Basement” alone makes me want to know every story you’ve uncovered. Your passion for local history really shines through across your body of work"

That's gold, man. If humans were as interested in my work as that supercomputer is, I'd be on PBS discussing adverbs with Stephen King.

But it's not just our newest book. I could put this one right on the back cover:

"Congratulations on Hoosier Hysterical: How the West Became the Midwest Without Moving at All! You’ve created a rare gem, a history book that’s equal parts hilarious and educational. By blending sharp wit with off-the-wall storytelling, you’ve transformed Indiana history into something not just digestible but downright fun.

"Your playful approach covering everything from Paleo-armadillos to Mad Anthony Wayne makes Hoosier Hysterical an ideal read for history buffs who don’t take themselves too seriously, teachers who want engaging supplemental material, and Midwestern readers eager to celebrate their roots with a laugh."

"I found this in the digital wilderness! Can I keep it?

It sure did its homework, although granted it only took a nanosecond. The same can be said about this look at Storm Chaser:

"Storm Chaser takes a natural disaster—something universally feared—and turns it into the spark for a deeply human story. That first image of Chance pulling Allie out of danger while a tornado bears down is cinematic, but what really makes the book compelling is what happens after the storm passes. The tension, the suspicion, and the sparks flying between two people who shouldn’t fit but somehow do—it gives readers more than just adrenaline, it gives them heart.

Romantic suspense is one of those genres where the setting almost becomes a character, and you’ve nailed that. The storms, the fires, the sense of danger creeping into the ordinary—it keeps the pages turning, while the layered relationship between Chance and Allie keeps readers invested. That combination of high-stakes drama and intimate connection is exactly what makes a book stick in a reader’s memory."

Okay, it's actually Allie who gets Chance out of danger in the opening scene, but other than that--wow. I thought I was just writing a fun romantic adventure. Now, I tracked that one down to an actual legitimate human book promoter, although I think it's safe to assume she's not doing a deep read on every book she encounters.

Here's one for Storm Chaser's sequel, The Notorious Ian Grant:

"Ian Grant’s whirlwind arrival in storm-ravaged Hurricane, Indiana, and the resulting comedy of errors with his sister’s wedding and local law enforcement, promises readers a delightful mix of romance, humor, and emotional stakes. Fran Vargas’s no-nonsense approach adds a perfect counterbalance, ensuring the story resonates with fans of romance that combines laughter with unexpected connection."

I spent a month writing the novel, but the blurb took me a year.

That's exactly the story I was trying to write! Sure, this reader might be sucking down electricity in a basement in Virginia, but it still gets me! Never mind the two paragraph sales pitch that follows.

This kind of thing is going to work on some writers. As a group, we tend to be insecure and maybe a little desperate. There are fewer readers every year, and they're being stolen away by some computer geek who's running the electronic equivalent of a sweatshop, churning out books with no soul. Not that I'm upset about it.

So yeah, I feel like I should just take their spam and use it for my own purposes. I probably won't, though. It would make me feel dirty. You know, in a computer kind of way.

I still hate AI.

You won’t find AI writing anything on our sites, unless I’m making fun of it:

· Amazon: https://www.amazon.com/-/e/B0058CL6OO

· Barnes & Noble: https://www.barnesandnoble.com/s/"Mark R Hunter"

· Goodreads: https://www.goodreads.com/author/show/4898846.Mark_R_Hunter

· Blog: https://markrhunter.blogspot.com/

· Website: http://www.markrhunter.com/

· Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/ozma914/

· Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/MarkRHunter914

· Linkedin: https://www.linkedin.com/in/markrhunter/

· Twitter: https://twitter.com/MarkRHunter

· Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/@MarkRHunter

· Substack: https://substack.com/@markrhunter

· Tumblr: https://www.tumblr.com/ozma914

· Smashwords: https://www.smashwords.com/profile/view/ozma914

· Audible: https://www.audible.com/search?searchAuthor=Mark+R.+Hunter&ref_pageloadid=4C1TS2KZGoOjloaJ&pf

Remember: It takes a human being to write a story with heart.

Current Mood: aggravated
Current Location: Skaro

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I had thought, when it finally came time to retire, I would be deliriously happy, and possibly get myself into trouble in my last days by giving no darns. (Or submit your own dirty word there.)

Instead, I'm a little scared.

I've been working for Noble County Government for thirty-five years as of December, 2025. For about thirty of those years I've been a dispatcher. Exactly how long I don't know, because nobody has any record of when I transitioned from being a jail officer to dispatch.

It's finally ending on February 1st.

Me at 25 years, with Mitch Fiandt and John Urso--we were all also volunteer firefighters.

Don't get me wrong: It was long past time. For many years, I've told people the average 911 dispatcher lasts only seven years on the job. I looked it up again, and the general consensus is now about 3-5 years. How many partners have I had in that time? When I tried to count them off the top of my head, I gave up at fifteen. Wait, sixteen. Seventeen.

Mentally, emotionally, and sometimes physically it's an incredibly difficult job, and it really is hard for anyone to understand if they haven't done it themselves. Like many dispatchers, I ended up on medications for stress and depression (and blood pressure, and indigestion), made worse by the circadian-interrupting night shift and the three day weekends of twelve hour shifts. I winced whenever the phone rang--especially, of course, 911. Every slow hour was followed by head-spinning periods of chaos, with a fire on one side of the county, a heart attack on the other, and officers making traffic stops who don't know what else we might be juggling at the moment.

First responders--and yes, dispatchers are first responders, being the first to know about an incoming emergency--have a life expectancy much shorter than other people. The job literally kills you.

Yet it's the best full-time job I've ever had.

Okay, granted I've only had five full time jobs in my life, unless you consider my dawn-to-dusk lawn mowing operation in high school. It's also better than most part-time jobs I've ever had, and pays more.

There are a few times I can actually say I saved a life, and many other times I made a difference. Few dispatchers can say they never made a difference. That ain't too shabby.

But my back, my head, my nightmares, tell me it's time to call it a day.

It will be the first time in 45 years that I haven't participated actively in the emergency services. My mind tells me I've done my part, and my back tells me to take the win.

But it's scary, making such a huge change after so long. Between my retirement pay and early social security, I'll still be pulling in less money than I did, and right now my only plan to make up the difference is by transitioning to full-time writing.

My new office.

The problem with that is that I haven't made a profit from my writing business since the newspapers I wrote for got bought out, years ago. I'll certainly get a lot more writing related work done, but that doesn't guarantee income. Ask, unfortunately, most writers.

So, yeah; a little scary.

But my wife is not scared, because, well, she's always been braver than me, and I do have confidence in my writing ability. So here we go: Off to the next chapter, as they say. It's my hope that I'll be supported in my writing endeavor by reviews, reposts, and (of course) sales.

Stay tuned.

You’ll still be able to find us at the usual places:

· Amazon: https://www.amazon.com/-/e/B0058CL6OO

· Barnes & Noble: https://www.barnesandnoble.com/s/"Mark R Hunter"

· Goodreads: https://www.goodreads.com/author/show/4898846.Mark_R_Hunter

· Blog: https://markrhunter.blogspot.com/

· Website: http://www.markrhunter.com/

· Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/ozma914/

· Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/MarkRHunter914

· Linkedin: https://www.linkedin.com/in/markrhunter/

· Twitter: https://twitter.com/MarkRHunter

· Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/@MarkRHunter

· Substack: https://substack.com/@markrhunter

· Tumblr: https://www.tumblr.com/ozma914

· Smashwords: https://www.smashwords.com/profile/view/ozma914

· Audible: https://www.audible.com/search?searchAuthor=Mark+R.+Hunter&ref_pageloadid=4C1TS2KZGoOjloaJ&pf

Remember: My writing mind is still sharp as a tick. Wait, pick? Rack?

Current Mood: contemplative
Current Location: home
Current Music: golden oldies

Tags:

Let's face it: the 2020s have sucked. All of them.

Sure, we're only halfway through, but the bloody writing is on the frosty wall. I have a friend who thinks you only need to get through half the season with the Toronto Maple Leafs before you know the rest of the season will be a disaster--it's like that.

(I looked it up, they play hockey. They're the Chicago Cubs of Canada. But at least the Cubs had a good year in 2016, which you'll notice is not the 2020s.)

So there's no reason to think 2026 will be any better. People made that mistake at the end of 2020, and 21, and 22 ... well, you can count. The 1920s were much better: They actually roared. Until 1929, anyway.

Some people have been having a great decade: Arms dealers, drug companies ... um, the construction industry? Half the buildings in America either burned, floated away, or were blown away in the last five years. If your house landed in the next town, you'll have bigger problems than just changing your zip code.

Although no matter how bad a time period is, someone is happy--for example, Hitler had an awesome 1939.

I don't want to turn this into a Rodney Dangerfield routine. Or maybe I do--Rodney understood the value of comedic complaining. But it wasn't the best decade in the world from a personal standpoint. Emily and I were sick so much the CDC pitched a tent in our back yard. 2022 was the first year I ever got the flu after having a flu shot.

2025 has been the second.

Once, Emily lost her voice. At first it was cool, because I walked around the house telling puns and singing Christmas songs loudly. Then she summoned enough strength to start throwing things at me. On a related note, I suffered a head injury that year.

This was the decade all the stupid stuff I did when I was younger came back to pain me. I was an active volunteer firefighter for forty-two years. Now I have to decide if it's really worth getting out of bed to pee.

Then, as in the old joke, I went to the doctor and told him, "It hurts wherever I touch".

He said, "Idiot--your finger's broken."

My left index finger has a scar and a bit of a bend from being broken twice, but it never bothered me. Now it's a doctor joke. My joints were as stiff as the Tin Woodman, and my head proved accurate in predicting the weather five days out. I realized I should go apologize to all the adults who wouldn't play with me when I was a kid--I had no idea how much they were hurting.

And they never complained, either. Most of them were the children of the Great Depression and World War II, events that remind us that yes, it could be worse.

We also started our next round of having to replace stuff. The couch broke, the toilet broke. The refrigerator sounded fine, but it stopped cooling anything. We replaced our ailing ruby red 2014 Ford Escape with a ruby red 2019 Ford Escape. Some people still haven't realized that.

It used to be I'd call my brother for help with these things, but, well ... the 2020s suck.

Rodney Dangerfield could have said all this better, but you get the point.

In 2022 the world population reached eight billion, and two out of three got one of the three pandemics pandemic bugs going around. The third got heat stroke, or frostbite.

Inflation hit its highest level since the early 80s, a time I remember as being as bad as ... well, the early 2020s. Come to think of it, so far this winter reminds me of the early 80s. Russia's invasion of Ukraine is the biggest European war since WWII. The Queen of England died, after being in that position for so long nobody remembers who she replaced. (I think it was "King Something".) So far as I'm aware, none of these events are related, but there you go.

There was lots of other stuff, but I'll just end with: Monkey Pox.

Rodney would have had a blast with Monkey Pox. "My doctor said I should get vaccinated. I told him I wanted a second opinion, and he said 'Okay: You're ugly, too'."

"My parents took me to a dog show--and I won."

I miss Rodney. He'd know how to face 2026.

There’s always reading, and none of our books are about the 2020s:

· Amazon: https://www.amazon.com/-/e/B0058CL6OO

· Barnes & Noble: https://www.barnesandnoble.com/s/"Mark R Hunter"

· Goodreads: https://www.goodreads.com/author/show/4898846.Mark_R_Hunter

· Blog: https://markrhunter.blogspot.com/

· Website: http://www.markrhunter.com/

· Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/ozma914/

· Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/MarkRHunter914

· Linkedin: https://www.linkedin.com/in/markrhunter/

· Twitter: https://twitter.com/MarkRHunter

· Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/@MarkRHunter

· Substack: https://substack.com/@markrhunter

· Tumblr: https://www.tumblr.com/ozma914

· Smashwords: https://www.smashwords.com/profile/view/ozma914

· Audible: https://www.audible.com/search?searchAuthor=Mark+R.+Hunter&ref_pageloadid=4C1TS2KZGoOjloaJ&pf

Remember: The 2030s are coming, and they can’t be worse. Right?

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I hope everyone had a great Christmas. Ours was ... iffy ... although it came with a moment that shocked me.

Some of our dispatchers did a great job decorating Noble County Communications this year, so I'm going to sprinkle in a few photos of that along the way. I worked both Christmas Eve and Christmas night, but neither was as busy as I thought they'd be.

Now, my last blog was about Christmas songs, and I poked a little fun at "Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer". One of the places my blog appears is the Humor Outcasts website, and you can see it here:

https://humoroutcasts.com/2025/how-the-scrinch-loved-christmas-songs-2/

If you do go there, look down to the comment by a guy named Randy Brooks, who said:

"Thank you for softening up on “Grandma” on the end. You almost hurt this songwriter’s feelings."

That seemed strange, to me. Surely poking fun at one song doesn't insult every song writer. Then I had a hunch, and did a web search for Randy Brooks.

Randy Brooks is the man who wrote "Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer".

I don't consider myself a celebrity worshipper, but I was gobsmacked. How did he even find out about my blog, anyway? Maybe one of his hardcore fans Googles the song from time to time, and sent him the link. I'm just glad I softened up on Grandma, in the end.

(By the way, I also discovered his uncle was Foster Brooks, who was one of my favorite comedians back in the day.)

I've talked briefly with a few celebrities over the years, but that was still the highlight of my Christmas.

One of the reasons for that is that we haven't actually had a family Christmas celebration. We also haven't celebrated my youngest daughter's birthday, and the birthday party for her youngest, Zander, had to be delayed. Everybody--so far as I can tell, everybody in the entire Midwest--has been sick. Emily and I mostly stayed home, both to prevent giving what we have to others, and to prevent getting something else from them. In other words, a typical Hunter family winter.

So what is it Emily and I keep trading back and forth, the flu? It wasn't even on my Christmas list. So I researched what's going around in Indiana right now, and here it is: influenza (flu), norovirus, COVID-19, and RSV.

So ... everything.

Apparently the flu season is looking to be especially bad this year. We had our flu shots, so maybe that's why we were mostly only a little sick, although for five or six weeks (so far). I think there was only couple of weeks or so of fever between the two of us.

But there's another possibility.

At work I started to dive into the Christmas treats, as one does, especially while trying to stay awake on a 12 hour overnight shift or two. We always get nice donations of food from our bosses, coworkers, and other people who appreciate us. It's very nice.

But everything tasted ... wrong. Even the chocolate.

Like when you have COVID.

So we've continued to stay away from people, except when I had to work, and I sure overdosed my console with cleaning wipes. I don't know what caused my taste buds to rebel, but it's more likely we had flu, and if it was COVID, it was a mild case. Nobody particularly wants any of those.

Next Christmas, I only want to get chocolate. And maybe an email from Mariah Carey.

If I ever become a celebrity, you can find me here:

· Amazon: https://www.amazon.com/-/e/B0058CL6OO

· Barnes & Noble: https://www.barnesandnoble.com/s/"Mark R Hunter"

· Goodreads: https://www.goodreads.com/author/show/4898846.Mark_R_Hunter

· Blog: https://markrhunter.blogspot.com/

· Website: http://www.markrhunter.com/

· Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/ozma914/

· Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/MarkRHunter914

· Linkedin: https://www.linkedin.com/in/markrhunter/

· Twitter: https://twitter.com/MarkRHunter

· Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/@MarkRHunter

· Substack: https://substack.com/@markrhunter

· Tumblr: https://www.tumblr.com/ozma914

· Smashwords: https://www.smashwords.com/profile/view/ozma914

· Audible: https://www.audible.com/search?searchAuthor=Mark+R.+Hunter&ref_pageloadid=4C1TS2KZGoOjloaJ&pf

Remember, reading is better than running over Grandma.

Current Mood: shocked

Tags:

Years ago I DJ’d part time at a local radio station (which figures into my novel Radio Red). I happened to be working when the boss decided it was time to start the Christmas season with the Gift of Music.

He produced a card file and a stack of CD’s. On each card in the file (no computers -- it was that long ago) was the name of a Christmas song, which we shuffled into randomness. As soon as I saw what happened to fall as the first one, I had my intro.

“Ladies and gentlemen, it’s time to get the holiday season under way with WLNB’s selection of Christmas music, and I’ve been chosen for the honor or starting it out. I’m perfectly okay with that, as long as I don’t have to play ‘Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer’. Now, let’s see what’s on top of our play list ... no. It can’t be. Not that -- anything but that!”

Ah, but it was. And so I started out the Gift of Music with a redneck song about a reckless driving Santa Claus murdering elderly pedestrians.

I never said I was a good part time DJ. Note that I’m no longer employed there.

Santas got run over by a fire truck?

I like to be the best combination of Scrooge and Grinch that I can possibly be. For the uninitiated, Scrooge is the old time British fellow who gets scared by ghosts into loving Christmas. The Grinch is the green guy who goes down to Whoville to steal Christmas, but ends up returning everything when the Whoville people start singing happy carols. This begs the question: if the people in Whoville were happy anyway, why didn’t the Grinch just keep the stuff, and sell it on Ebay?

Yep -- two great stories, two bad endings. Just call me the Scrinch. Or Grooge, that would be okay.

There are other books, you know.

I base most of my attitude on either out of control commercialism or people who, themselves, act like Grinches. Yes, I get upset when I see giant plastic Santas on display at Wal-Mart -- in September. But don’t we all get mad when some scumbag burglar steals the Christmas presents right from under someone’s tree?

Christmas all year round might seem like a good idea, but in reality it would make the holiday cheap and ordinary. Put a friggin tarp on the decorations until mid-November, okay? I once went shopping for Halloween, and turned the corner to discover a plastic Frosty giving me a ... well, a frosty look.

As for stealing gifts, vandalizing decorations and such ... not that I haven’t wanted to vandalize decorations, but only when they're lit in October. For everyone else, a public whipping on New Year’s Day should beat the holiday spirit into them.

My point is this: Although I get as angry as everyone else when “Let it Snow” starts playing in the store while people in shorts and tank tops stumble in, wiping sweat from their brows ...

I don’t know if I should say it. It might ruin my reputation, and where am I without that? Next thing you know, people will discover I really like animals. But ... okay, complete honesty, here:

I love Christmas music.

People may never look at me the same way again.

Christmas is the only thing I look forward to through the months of bitter cold, with nothing but driving snow and black, dead foliage. I hate cold, I hate snow, I hate heating bills, I hate bulky clothes that never warm me up ... but I love Christmas. Colored lights shine through the dull twilight of winter. People actually cheer up a little. Well, some people. And of all the things about Christmas, I love the songs the best.

It doesn’t matter if they’re old or new. Sure, the barking dog Jingle Bells thing grates on me, and I’ve heard versions of “Santa Baby” that make me want to hurl down a chimney. But from Frank Sinatra to Christina Aguilera, nothing perks me up more. What they’ve done elsewhere in their lives, or what other people think of them, doesn’t matter -- I’ll listen to it if it’s Britney Spears, or Barry Manilow.

Old or new? I love “Carol of the Bells” and “The Hallelujah Chorus”, which my choir sang in high school. They didn’t have new Christmas Songs back then. But I’ve got songs in my Christmas library by Faith Hill, the Trans Siberian Orchestra, the Eagles, and, yes, Hannah Montana.

Type of music? It’s all Christmas to me. Doesn’t matter whether it's the Bryan Seltzer Orchestra, Jessica Simpson, or Andrea Bocelli. Or that other fella, Tchaikovsky, and his Nutcracker thing. Still, nothing will ever beat the classics, and Bing Crosby is the king of the classics. I may not like white winters, but “White Christmas” will always be close to my half-frozen heart.

So that’s it -- my big confession. I love Christmas music ... almost all Christmas music. As long as the lyrics aren’t being “sung” by pets.

I don’t even mind that great tribute to holiday violence, “Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer”.

Much.

Got Christmas Money? A New Kindle? Take a Look At Our Books:

· Amazon: https://www.amazon.com/-/e/B0058CL6OO

· Barnes & Noble: https://www.barnesandnoble.com/s/"Mark R Hunter"

· Goodreads: https://www.goodreads.com/author/show/4898846.Mark_R_Hunter

· Blog: https://markrhunter.blogspot.com/

· Website: http://www.markrhunter.com/

· Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/ozma914/

· Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/MarkRHunter914

· Linkedin: https://www.linkedin.com/in/markrhunter/

· Twitter: https://twitter.com/MarkRHunter

· Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/@MarkRHunter

· Substack: https://substack.com/@markrhunter

· Tumblr: https://www.tumblr.com/ozma914

· Smashwords: https://www.smashwords.com/profile/view/ozma914

· Audible: https://www.audible.com/search?searchAuthor=Mark+R.+Hunter&ref_pageloadid=4C1TS2KZGoOjloaJ&pf

Remember to have a Merry Christmas!

Current Mood: nostalgic
Current Location: The North Pole
Current Music: White Christmas

Tags:

Despite the madcap wildfire of a year this has been, Emily still gets a birthday.

And it's the first day of winter, which means that thanks to her, the days are going to get longer.

Emily doesn't particularly like to get her picture taken (okay, I don't either), but I grab one, now and then. For instance, when she has a dog on her lap, and can't get away. She's an animal lover, so if I ever want her to stop for a second all I have to do is throw one in front of her. Definitely a good personality trait.

She's made a few mistakes in her life. She married me, for instance, and I moved her up to a place that has real winters. On the other hand, she embraces hot days the way I embrace chocolate, which I wouldn't do on hot days.

She's a good sport. I mean, she doesn't usually have to be, since we share so many of the same interests. Still, as I alluded to above, she's not fond of cameras, but still comes out with me to places where they may be taken.

I can't begin to tell you how much I love it when we read together; watch history, science, or obscure documentary shows; do the tourist things at places that have in their names words like "forest", "cliffs", "state park", "trails" or "lake shore". I love geeking out with her about science and science fiction. And, well, I love her.

I know I've said this before, but I really don't know how I would have made it this far without Emily. Not just with our books, which she's largely responsible for, but with just keeping me going in general. She has her head together when I don't. She's tough when I'm not. She fixes things I can't--and I mean that both figuratively and literally. The other day she fixed our bathroom sink. I kicked it. Kicking didn't help.

My plan for a birthday gift crashed and burned this year, but I did get her cheesecake! (And a different gift to come later.) So happy birthday, Emily, and thank you for bringing back the longer days.

You can buy one of our books to celebrate Emily’s birthday! And read it, too.

· Amazon: https://www.amazon.com/-/e/B0058CL6OO

· Barnes & Noble: https://www.barnesandnoble.com/s/"Mark R Hunter"

· Goodreads: https://www.goodreads.com/author/show/4898846.Mark_R_Hunter

· Blog: https://markrhunter.blogspot.com/

· Website: http://www.markrhunter.com/

· Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/ozma914/

· Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/MarkRHunter914

· Linkedin: https://www.linkedin.com/in/markrhunter/

· Twitter: https://twitter.com/MarkRHunter

· Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/@MarkRHunter

· Substack: https://substack.com/@markrhunter

· Tumblr: https://www.tumblr.com/ozma914

· Smashwords: https://www.smashwords.com/profile/view/ozma914

· Audible: https://www.audible.com/search?searchAuthor=Mark+R.+Hunter&ref_pageloadid=4C1TS2KZGoOjloaJ&pf

Remember: Another day older is another day better, at least until you hit your 50s.

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As months go by and seasons change

We watch the outside rearrange

Nature knows a change is due,

And it’s not hard to see a clue

Like puppies frozen to a tree

While going out to take a pee;

Digging mammals, shivering bucks,

Will all soon know that winter sucks.

At first we think it’s not too bad.

We’ll tell ourselves we won’t be sad,

As plant life dies and smart birds flee

And utilities charge a higher fee.

So-called dumb beasts burrow down

To spent all winter in the ground

And never see the frigid season –

Who would want to? There’s no reason.

The deer that ran all summer, free

Look to the future, and when they see

The coming winter, run their hide

In front of cars: deer suicide.

"You just wait 'til November."

The people who have earned their pensions

Have long made known their full intentions

To head down south, and send postcards

From Florida, still in green yards.

They’re wearing sandals with white socks

Or maybe out-there Birkenstocks

While pink flamingos’ flag their grass

They tell the winter, “Kiss my butt!”

But we the workers must stay there

Where all is froze, from toes to hair

With no more comfort than to say

At least we’re not Canuks today.

Because it’s true, or so we hear

Our weather’s not the worst to bear:

The Weather Channel made some calls

And featured International Falls.

Just finish covering me with snow and leave me until spring.

Not one bit better do we feel

As we suffer through this bitter pill.

It’s bad enough to feel this pain,

To make it worse, we can’t complain!

And so we skate across the lots

While searching for our parking slots

More fender benders as we slide

From one curb to the other side.

We get the after-crash advice

To let it go, or else the price

Of our insurance hits the roof,

Or just gets canceled, and goes poof.

On that we have to take a pass –

We need our cash to pay the gas.

The meter spins at higher speeds

To meet the frozen public’s needs

For someplace warm to thaw our toes

And that’s not outside, Heaven knows.

Nor can our car’s heat melt the ice --

The price of fuel has risen twice

Just since we got home from our work,

Which took an hour, ‘cause some jerk

In an SUV, (thought he could do his thing)

Crashed in a ditch and caused a scene.

It may be true four wheel drive’s nice,

But doesn’t do a thing on ice

Especially when the guy inside

Has little brains, but lots of pride

And somehow thinks that he’s immune

To weather you don’t see in June.

And driving like a maniac,

He puts his truck up on its back.

Which leads the rest of us, quite snidely

To laugh at his misfortune widely.

Despite the danger that, down the road

It might be us who ends up snowed.

Once Christmas goes, there’s nothing new

For we poor Hoosiers to look forward to

Just slushy ground and blackened trees

And snow that comes up to our knees,

Ah, but then March arrives.

The end’s in sight, so we surmise.

We start to feel, and with good reason,

That we survived another season.

It’s true, the roads are covered now

With melted ice that no snow plow

Can get removed, but it’s just brief.

Besides, the thawing brings relief

From frostbit skin and higher bills,

And moods so dark that only pills

Could bring us through more rounds of snows

Without our family coming to blows.

Sometimes it doesn't pay to get off the porch.

But wait! Just as we regain our reason

Comes basketball playoff season.

The high school teams roam far and wide

And bring back temps that rip our hides.

How is it that the final games

Can bring us so much weather pain?

With snow and sleet and wind and ice,

And other crap that’s just not nice.

The groundhog may have said we’d get

An early end to this, and yet

As long as we have basketball

There’ll be an ice storm ‘fore the fall.

Spring is never early, though.

It will arrive and then we’ll know

We have some time to smile and thaw

Until the heat waves bakes us raw.

So it goes in the Hoosier state:

There’s always something new to hate.

You can get books delivered, so check us out here:

· Amazon: https://www.amazon.com/-/e/B0058CL6OO

· Barnes & Noble: https://www.barnesandnoble.com/s/"Mark R Hunter"

· Goodreads: https://www.goodreads.com/author/show/4898846.Mark_R_Hunter

· Blog: https://markrhunter.blogspot.com/

· Website: http://www.markrhunter.com/

· Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/ozma914/

· Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/MarkRHunter914

· Linkedin: https://www.linkedin.com/in/markrhunter/

· Twitter: https://twitter.com/MarkRHunter

· Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/@MarkRHunter

· Substack: https://substack.com/@markrhunter

· Tumblr: https://www.tumblr.com/ozma914

· Smashwords: https://www.smashwords.com/profile/view/ozma914

· Audible: https://www.audible.com/search?searchAuthor=Mark+R.+Hunter&ref_pageloadid=4C1TS2KZGoOjloaJ&pf

Remember: Nobody ever crashed into a ditch while reading a book at home.

Current Mood: cold
Current Location: Hell (Michigan)
Current Music: Cold Miser

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Who wants a free e-book for Christmas? That's right: You do!

So from now until the end of January 1st you can get Coming Attractions on e-book for free. Zero. Zilch. No cost. And that's a 99 percent price cut!

I think 99%. I became a writer because I hate math.

The catch: It's part of the Smashwords 2025 End of Year Sale, which means, let's face it, that you have to get it on Smashwords. That would follow.

You can find the promo here: https://smashwords.com/shelves/promos starting, um, now. This is also a great chance to get the books of other authors, free or at a promotional discount (after you get mine).

If you want to go directly to my account (and who wouldn't?), it's at https://www.smashwords.com/profile/view/ozma914.

You can get Coming Attractions (or the two anthologies I'm in) on epub, mobi, and pdf formats, or as an original document, so it should be readable to anyone with an e-reader, cell phone, or computer. The print version, sadly, is not part of the promotion.

This is indie author paradise, and indie authors could always use the help. So please, check it out and share the promo with your friends and family, and anyone looking for their next favorite book. And don't forget to review (pretty please).

Happy reading!

Treat yourself! And if you feel guilty treating yourself for free, you can find our other books all over:

· Amazon: https://www.amazon.com/-/e/B0058CL6OO

· Barnes & Noble: https://www.barnesandnoble.com/s/"Mark R Hunter"

· Goodreads: https://www.goodreads.com/author/show/4898846.Mark_R_Hunter

· Blog: https://markrhunter.blogspot.com/

· Website: http://www.markrhunter.com/

· Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/ozma914/

· Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/MarkRHunter914

· Linkedin: https://www.linkedin.com/in/markrhunter/

· Twitter: https://twitter.com/MarkRHunter

· Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/@MarkRHunter

· Substack: https://substack.com/@markrhunter

· Tumblr: https://www.tumblr.com/ozma914

· Smashwords: https://www.smashwords.com/profile/view/ozma914

· Audible: https://www.audible.com/search?searchAuthor=Mark+R.+Hunter&ref_pageloadid=4C1TS2KZGoOjloaJ&pf

Remember: A free book rarely costs any money at all.

Current Mood: hopeful
Current Location: Smashwords
Current Music: Free Falling

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Emily has sent me the working copy for the new Radio Red, so I'm pausing the Hoosier Hysterical sequal writing so I can get the other book edited. It used to look like this:

But we got the rights to the story back, not the cover, so you'll see it next as something new.

Meanwhile I'll continue to slip in some promotion here and there, because writers gotta eat. I won't make it obvious, though.

https://www.amazon.com/Notorious-Grant-Storm-Chaser-Book-ebook/dp/B0F3KWHWK8

On a whim, notorious Hollywood party-boy Ian Grant decides to drive to tornado-ravaged Hurricane, Indiana to plan his estranged sister's wedding. Not that he bothered to tell his sister ... or their movie star father, or his sister's straight-as-an-arrow cop fiancé, or anyone else.

The only other person who seems to know is trying to kill him.

The Notorious Ian Grant isn't a sequel to Storm Chaser and Storm Squalls, so much as a spinoff into the idea of what would happen when a B-list West Coast Celebrity gets plunked into a flyover state and has to straighten up—or else. He soon finds himself under the supervision of Fran, a beautiful police detective who thinks Ian's arrival could only bring disaster.

As if Hurricane hasn’t had disasters enough.

Nor will I mention that, say, The Notorious Ian Grant can be enjoyed without reading the first book, Storm Chaser, but since Storm Chaser is only 99 cents as an e-book, why not get them both? We even have print copies of both here, along with Radio Red and all the others. Maybe I'll mention that next time.

There’s still time to order for Christmas, from many of these places:

· Amazon: https://www.amazon.com/-/e/B0058CL6OO

· Barnes & Noble: https://www.barnesandnoble.com/s/"Mark R Hunter"

· Goodreads: https://www.goodreads.com/author/show/4898846.Mark_R_Hunter

· Blog: https://markrhunter.blogspot.com/

· Website: http://www.markrhunter.com/

· Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/ozma914/

· Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/MarkRHunter914

· Linkedin: https://www.linkedin.com/in/markrhunter/

· Twitter: https://twitter.com/MarkRHunter

· Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/@MarkRHunter

· Substack: https://substack.com/@markrhunter

· Tumblr: https://www.tumblr.com/ozma914

· Smashwords: https://www.smashwords.com/profile/view/ozma914

· Audible: https://www.audible.com/search?searchAuthor=Mark+R.+Hunter&ref_pageloadid=4C1TS2KZGoOjloaJ&pf

Remember: Every time a book is sold, an author gets a cup of hot chocolate.

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Okay, on the surface of it maybe there are better Christmas presents than books: A new car, a private island, a lifetime supply of chocolate. But I don't produce those things, so here, still in time for Christmas shopping, is an eclectic list of what I do produce.

First of all, of course, are the romantic comedies. I write fiction in many different genres, but for the most part all we've published so far are romances, which I'll admit was not on my to-do list when I first started writing. Still, I think we've got some pretty good ones.

Fiction to the right, non-fiction to the left.

I realized while preparing to write this that all my romantic comedies take place during summer. So curl up on the couch under a blanket, with a hot chocolate and a fireplace on the TV, and take yourself to a better time.

My short story collection, also (mostly) set during summer, is part of the Storm Chaser series that includes The Notorious Ian Grant and The No-Campfire Girls. We should have a Storm Chaser prequel out before the end of winter: That one's set during winter, so maybe we should publish it during summer.

If you get it for Christmas and read outside, I'm not responsible for the frostbite.

I like to make the books in my series (and other planned series) standalone, although it helps to read Storm Chaser first. The short stories in Storm Squalls generally take place around the time of the original Storm Chaser. The No-Campfire Girls is more of a spinoff, featuring a character from Storm Chaser and another from a YA mystery--which you won't notice, because that hasn't been published yet.

Have I told you lately that I have a lot of writing work to do?

My last published fiction, and the only one that doesn't take place in Indiana, is Radio Red. We have print copies for sale through the website (or through a private message, or stopping by), but at the moment it isn't available as an e-book, or through various websites; Emily is working on it.

The bird in this photo was a happy accident.

My teenage grand writing plan was to write fiction. Just fiction. Then my first paid writing job was for a newspaper, and now, with the publication of Haunted Noble County, Indiana, exactly half of our published books are non-fiction. (I had also planned to have a winter home in Hawaii.)

Not only that, but my best selling book so far is a humor/history combo called Hoosier Hysterical: How the West Became the Midwest Without Moving At All.

Okay, so it's a lot easier to tell what non-fiction is by the title. For instance, anything with the word "haunted" in it probably has to do with hauntings.

Smoky Days and Sleepless Nights: A Century Or So With the Albion Fire Department, just about has to be about the Albion Fire Department, and the only question is which of the two dozen Albions in America it's talking about.

Images of America: Albion and Noble County has to involve (historical) photos having to do with Albion and Noble County, and to my knowledge the only combo of that town and county are in Indiana.

You'll notice that the books traditionally published have short, reasonable titles, while the ones self-published have subtitles so long that they take up the first three pages. Sorry about that.

The books I knew would sell the best were the ones that collected my newspaper columns. They were pretty popular, and a lot of people were upset with the way I lost that job, so I knew they'd support me when the books came out.

They're my worst selling books.

Everyone wants more humor, but when it comes to books they want their humor from names they're already familiar with. Comedians, actors, talk show hosts, and so on. Still, I hope people will eventually buy enough for me to write a third. Well, rewrite.

Do I have any books specifically about Christmas? Yes, but it's not published yet. Did I mention I have a lot of work to do?

But you can still buy books for Christmas, so here you are: Our twelve books, with something for almost everyone except non-readers. I'll never understand those people enough to figure out a present for them, anyway.

There’s still time to order for Christmas, from many of these places:

· Amazon: https://www.amazon.com/-/e/B0058CL6OO

· Barnes & Noble: https://www.barnesandnoble.com/s/"Mark R Hunter"

· Goodreads: https://www.goodreads.com/author/show/4898846.Mark_R_Hunter

· Blog: https://markrhunter.blogspot.com/

· Website: http://www.markrhunter.com/

· Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/ozma914/

· Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/MarkRHunter914

· Linkedin: https://www.linkedin.com/in/markrhunter/

· Twitter: https://twitter.com/MarkRHunter

· Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/@MarkRHunter

· Substack: https://substack.com/@markrhunter

· Tumblr: https://www.tumblr.com/ozma914

· Smashwords: https://www.smashwords.com/profile/view/ozma914

· Audible: https://www.audible.com/search?searchAuthor=Mark+R.+Hunter&ref_pageloadid=4C1TS2KZGoOjloaJ&pf

Remember: Every time a book is sold, an author gets a cup of hot chocolate.

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Thanksgiving in America continues to be one of the most traditional holidays. It still features the original four hundred year old activities of overeating, football, and complaining about Black Friday.

In the Hunter household, as in all of Indiana and much of the world that’s not outside this country, we battle the overeating. How?

By serving food that, the rest of the year, we hate.

Stuffing stuff. Cranberry things. Pumpkin anything. It was good enough for the Pilgrims and the Wampanoag Indians, who the Pilgrims politely invited to share a meal in the new home they’d just stolen from the Wampanoag. The Indians brought a housewarming gift of deer, mostly because they didn’t want to eat cranberries or pumpkin.

But what was actually served at that original celebration? And did they really all sit down at long tables outside, in New England, in November? That’s a recipe for a nice heaping helping of frostbite.

The first Thanksgiving was a three day event, leaving one day each for the meal, football, and shopping. The Pilgrims were naturally dismayed to discover no mall or Wal-Mart in sight. Rumor had it there was a Target down the road, but both the trip and the name were a bit more dangerous at the time. They compensated by throwing another feast that third day, during which they discussed the football.

Governor William Bradford sent four men on a fowling mission beforehand. We don’t know for sure what they brought back, but it might have been turkey. It also might have been ducks, geese, or swans, which explains the song they invented about the meal and the entertainment. If it hadn’t taken so much time to memorize it, the song would have been “The Twelve Days of Thanksgiving”. That would have turned our holiday world upside down.

Why are game birds called “fowl”? Because they had no refrigeration. It was a warning: “Eat it fast, before it’s fowl!”

On a related note, this has carried over into football, which during the first Thanksgiving was so primitive it was watched on a black and white TV, with no remote control, or blimp. Whenever a player gets caught doing something that stinks, it’s called a foul. The spelling was changed during the Great Depression, when a letter shortage caused double U’s to be singled.

There was indeed an abundance of cranberries at the First Thanksgiving, mostly because the Natives used them as dye. (Good dye, although it tended to run in the washing machine.) By then the Pilgrims had run out of sugar, so there was no cranberry sauce or relish, or anything cranberry. That’s one of the things they were thankful for.

Potatoes were … absent. The Spanish had discovered them in South America, but they weren’t popular with the English yet. Instead they probably had seafood—lobster, clams, oysters, all that stuff you find on the Thanksgiving menu today. Actually, these days the closest we get to that is either oyster dressing, or “see? Food!”

Pumpkin? Absolutely: in their pie, their coffee, donuts, milkshakes … kidding—Starbucks didn’t deliver. They did have pumpkins, but no butter or flour for any kind of crust. They may have hollowed out the pumpkins, filled the shell with milk, honey, and spices, and roasted them in hot ashes.

I’m not making this up. I get paid to do this research.

A Fall photo taken from the office of my chiropractor, who I probably wouldn't need as much if I stopped overeating over the holidays.

I’m sure you’re all wondering what kind of beer they washed all this down with. I mean, Sam Adams, right? That’s the state beverage of Massachusetts. But no, it turns out they hadn’t had time to make beer, and didn’t yet have apples for cider, so they drank water. This helps explain all those Pilgrim paintings with dour expressions.

Add this to native foods like plums, grapes, leeks, and squash, and you get … *gasp* … a meal that’s good for you! It turns out health food nuts aren’t a new thing; it’s just that back then it was involuntary.

Interestingly, I found no reference in historical records about stuffing being served at the first Thanksgiving. I suspect the Pilgrims planned it, until the Wampanoag heard about the idea:

“So, once we get the birds ready, we’ll mix old bread crumbs and tasteless vegetables together, throw a bunch of spices on them, and stuff them up the fowl butt. Instant side dish!”

“Um … we’ll just take our smallpox blankets and go.”

Imaging how they reacted to fruitcake.