Slightly Off the Mark

Book reviews are incredibly important to authors. They give a sense of legitimacy, serve as free advertising, guide other readers to their works, and give them a better chance to have their story visible on certain book seller sites. Storm Chaser, for instance, had 28 ratings and 15 written reviews on Goodreads.

But since being re-released, Storm Chaser is down to only 7 ratings and 3 written reviews on Amazon, which is why I begged people who previously reviewed it to post their reviews again. From what I've heard, about 50 reviews are needed to trigger Amazon's mystical logarithms and increase traffic to your book.

(Plus it just got its first bad review, which dropped the average rating considerably.)

"If each of these came with a review, I'd have ... well, more reviews!"

It's hardly surprising, then, that some people resort to paying for reviews. If everyone who read a book would review it--even just pop in with an "I liked it"--it would be no problem, but most readers don't take the time. It's easy, on the other hand, to find people willing to review your book in exchange for money.

Unethical, maybe illegal in some cases, but easy.

Not only is it considered a form of cheating, but it would violate the terms of service for the big book seller site, Amazon. You do not want to be kicked off Amazon.

Some people even consider it in poor form to ask for free reviews, but most authors do it. They're not thrilled about it, any more than they're thrilled about doing promotion and publicity, but with over two million new books coming out every year, it's hard to avoid getting desperate.

Does this screenshot from a TV interview count as promotion? Yes. Yes, it does.

 When a group of people get desperate ... the scammers come out.

Awhile back I got this e-mail from "German W. Woo":

Goodness. Someone took their nasty pills. A day later I got this e-mail, from "Allison S. Cummins":

As of this writing, I am the only person offering GUARANTEED reviews for Amazon. If you are looking for more reviews for your book, please don't hesitate to contact me.

Friendly note to: Review beggars - Either have some respect for yourself and your book and learn to value and PAY for the time of reviewers as well, or please take a walk. We haven't opened a charity foundation here; this is a FOR-PROFIT business! I am sure you don't work for free in your professional life, so don't expect anyone else to work for free for you either!

Wait ... what's wrong with this picture? Let's take a look at another e-mail, from "Marion J. Jenkins":

As of this writing, I am the only person offering GUARANTEED reviews for Amazon. If you are looking for more reviews for your book, please don't hesitate to contact me. Don't want these emails? Then FU*K OFF from Goodreads and Facebook.

Not exactly friendly customer service. But wait ... each of them are the only people offering GUARANTEED reviews for Amazon? I thought anyone could post an Amazon review. Now here are three only ones. Shouldn't there only be one ... only one?

Also, aren't they being just a bit rude, for someone supposedly offering a service? They're not the government. Are they?

Well, scammers gotta scam, a**holes gotta ... um ... a**. It didn't concern me all that much until I got this message on my Goodreads account:

Mark, SWINE HOPE YOUR FAMILY DIES THIS NEW YEAR AND SALES OF YOUR PATHETIC BOOK BECOMES ZERO. BUY BOOK REVIEWS OR GET OUT OF GOODREADS ASAP. IF YOU DON'T, I WILL TELL ALL OF MY FRIENDS TO BUY AND REFUND YOUR BOOK ON AMAZON SO YOUR SALES RANK TANKS. YOU CAN'T PROMOTE YOUR BOOKS HERE WITHOUT PAYING ME. WE KNOW YOUR ADDRESS TOO -WILL SEND CRIMINALS AND THIEVES THERE SO YOUR NEW YEAR CELEBRATION IS SPOILED HAHA

 That was from Grace, who yelled the same message 39 times. I doubt very much that she has friends. Also, aren't thieves automatically criminals, except in Congress? Ironically, scammers don't seem to edit their threats. They also didn't count the number of guns (not to mention swords) in my house.

Wendall sent this one five times:

WE HAVE A COPY OF Hoosier Hysterical, WHICH WE WILL UPLOAD TO TPB, readfrom.net AND OTHER PIRATE SITES, IF YOU KEEP ON SPAMMING OUR GOODREADS SITE. ONLY WAY TO STOP US IS TO STOP ASKING FOR BOOK REVIEWS HERE PERMANENTLY. QUIT SPAMMING THIS SITE IF WE DON'T WANT US TO TAKE AFORESAID ACTIONS; YOUR LAWS CAN'T HARM US. DECIDE FAST

My first reaction was, "Yay, they bought a copy of Hoosier Hysterical!" My second was to laugh at someone who sent the same five messages, accusing me of spamming them.

So I decided fast, and my decision was f**k you.

I will not pay anyone for book reviews, let alone scumbag spammers like this. The closest I'll ever come to it is giving out advanced review copies, which is an accepted practice--but no money will go from me toward a review. Especially to an idiot.

 If you support my decision ... then please. leave a book review.

Remember these guys? It's the Santa Mafia, and they're watching you.

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Remember: Every book review is like Heavenly music sprinkled with chocolate.

 Five teens who otherwise have little in common bond over a shared tragedy: Five years earlier a steel mill exploded in Splendor, Ohio, leaving the surviving townspeople grieving.

Now Franny and her brother Arthur join Sofia, Remy, Levi, and Nick in filming a mockumentary web series they call "Ghost Hunters". It's all for fun and distraction--until they witness the crash of a disk-shaped object that engulfs them in light ... and gives them supernatural powers.

Soon they're being chased by the government, threatened by the recluse accused of causing the steel mill accident, and discovering their unusual abilities are anything but a gift. Their attempts to solve the mystery and escape detection make up the plot, but the heart of the story is with the teens, as they try to deal with their grief and sense of loss from an all too natural tragedy.

 Emily Henry's 2019 novel manages to balance the two, giving us real characters adjusting to an unreal situation that may include Franny being possessed by an alien. There's plenty of action and some twists I didn't see coming, but I was most impressed with Henry's ability to portray her damaged teenage characters. I noticed there was a high school activity book related to the novel, so it appears I wasn't the only one struck by her grasp of story and characters.

It's certainly worth giving Emily Henry's other books a look.

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Remember, authors who don't get enough reviews often get abducted by published aliens.

 So, I have a request for all of you out there. Well, those of you who read. Well, those of you who read my stuff. Well, those of you who like reading my stuff.

Or even if you don't, what the heck.

As all of you know--well, some of you--we just re-released my first published novel, Storm Chaser. Thanks to Emily for doing ...

Everything. My wife did everything. Every now and then she'd toss me a proof copy, I'd leaf through it, and she'd go back to doing all that stuff she did. I did nothing, I admit it. Happy now?

Anyway, there's what it looks like. Yes, Emily put the cover together, based on the old one. But there's one thing she couldn't do: transfer all the reviews of the original edition onto this new one. Which is here:

https://www.amazon.com/Storm-Chaser-Mark-Hunter-ebook/dp/B0C7MB95NH

According to Goodreads, Storm Chaser collected 15 reviews and 27 ratings, which isn't great but beats the heck out of how many reviews I've gotten for Summer Jobs Are Murder (which hasn't been published yet). The problem is, according to Amazon I now have exactly three reviews. Which, at least, is easy to count. (Why those three stayed, I have no idea.)

So I'm asking everyone who has or does purchase the book, on Kindle or in print, to leave me a review. I don't know if Amazon will allow reviewers to post on the new book if they bought the old book, but if it doesn't you could at least leave yours on Goodreads, or the review place of your choice, up to and including bathroom stalls.

Just don't put my phone number there.

In return for your help I will ... hm ... dance.

No. No, that's a terrible idea. It's asking for another month of ice and ibuprofen. But I will be very grateful, because online reviews really do matter, especially on Amazon. No one really knows how Amazon's algorithms work, and I don't really know what an algorithm is, but I'm told the more reviews you have, the more likely you are to be seen.

People who see, buy. If enough people buy, I can write more. It's the circle of write.

This is the old version. You'll probably still see it here and there, so I should warn you it's probably more expensive.

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 Remember, every time you don't leave a review, an angel loses his hair. You don't want bald angels.

 Dave Volek goes for a peaceful revolution with his books about Tiered Democratic Governance, including Circles of a Future Politician: How an Average American Saves America. Dave's using the novel format to get the word out about a political system that works from the bottom up, instead of the other way around. That's something that could make for dry reading.

But it's also an idea that wouldn't appeal to people who profit from the top side down system, so I shouldn't have been surprised that this book, the third in a series, starts out with an assassination.

https://www.amazon.com/Circles-Future-Politician-Average-American-ebook/dp/B09QLFCM8C

The idea is fairly easy to follow, so although I haven't read the second book, it wasn't hard to pick up. This time we follow Eli Weasel and friends on the Tankosin Indiana Reservation, as they attempt their own version of the TDC idea. It's progressed slowly for the group, until other events challenge them to get more active. The story follows them for the next few years, as the concept gains popularity both on the Reservation and in nearby communities. Dave means to challenge the readers' thinking about government and, if read with an open and serious mind, it does.

The story is meant to guide the reader through the theory and the process of building a TDG, so of course there are scenes that move more deliberately than you'd normally expect in a novel. I was more surprised about some scenes of excellent writing, following Eli's thought processes as he goes about his normal life in addition to his efforts to improve his community. It's hard to balance out a book like this, but Dave makes it work--and gives us something to think about.

The author and I don't see eye to eye on every political issue ... but that doesn't make him wrong this time.

 Okay, let's get this out of the way right now: "The Suicide Squad" is not--I repeat, NOT--a movie for kids.

Most movies based on comics try to entertain adults while also being watchable by their kids. (If you're one of the snobbish who automatically label these flicks "kid movies", you came to the wrong place.)

Not this one. We're talking about a sex scene, a moment of graphic nudity, and an overwhelming amount of graphic, graphic violence. I knew this going in, and it's nothing worse than I see on the various "Walking Dead" shows, but it still startled me. Maybe it's because I watch "Walking Dead" for the characters, and could happily do without the worst of the onscreen gore.

Okay, so that's out of the way. "The Suicide Squad" is a great movie, and if you can handle the gore I'd highly recommend it. Unless you're a movie snob.

We open with a team headed to a small island country, where they're dropped near the beach and things go immediately sideways. Then we got back in time, to see another team recruited at the same time, for the same mission: To destroy a top secret science project that's now in the hands of the island's new dictator.

Things go sideways for them, too, as happens on suicide missions. The survivors must face down the island's military to accomplish their job--which turns out to be something more than what they were told.

"The Suicide Squad" has, yes, those great effects and action, but if you're going to like the movie, it's for the characters. Here Idris Elba as reluctant leader Bloodsport, and Margot Robbie as the sanity-averse Harley Quinn, excel. Beyond that the heart of the movie comes from Daniela Melchior as Ratcatcher 2 (guess what her super power is?), and David Dastmalchian as--wait for it--Pokda-Dot Man. Both have their backstories explored enough to be sympathetic characters.

The Suicide Squads are made up of real DC Comics characters, but the third rate ones--the ones Robin could take down without Batman's help. As such, almost any of them could be killed off at any moment, and many are, so once we're invested we end up on the edge of our seats. It's to the credit of everyone involved that we're left caring about, and rooting for, our "heroes". (By the way, the Big Bad in this movie was, in the comics, the Justice League's first villain.)

My score:

Entertainment value: 3 1/2 out of 4 stars. I had trouble getting past some of the more graphic violence, of which there was much, but as movies based on comic books go this was one of the better ones. And graphic or not, I can watch Harley Quinn's fighting moves all day long.

Oscar Potential: 2 out of 4 stars. I don't know ... maybe. The Academy does seem to like violent flicks, after all, and shouldn't there be an Oscar for fight choreography? But I doubt it will get a "Joker" level of critical acclaim.

(By the way, this was our first trip back to an indoor theater in two years ... we went at noon, and there were only two other people in the theater. This is one of those movies better appreciated on the big screen.)

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My initial reaction when hearing about the Broadway musical Hamilton was surprise that all these historical characters were being played by non-white actors. How was this better than having a white actor play a real black person? How would black people feel if they did an all-white version of Roots? Pissed, that's how they'd feel, and with good reason. (There are white actors in Hamilton, my favorite being the guy who plays the sometimes villainous, but mostly confused King George III.)

But that comparison is not the same. Stay with me; I'll get back to that.

Hamilton is not a movie version of the Broadway musical. It's the Broadway musical itself, filmed for release on Disney's very own streaming thingy that I got because I wanted Star Wars stuff. (The Mandalorian, see it!) In addition to my initial issue, Hamilton seemed over-hyped, had a lot of that rapping and hip hop stuff I never cared for, played fast and loose with history, and seemed a pale, puny thing beside my favorite musical, "1776". (Which also plays fast and loose with history, but never mind.)

But I watched it.

It is not over hyped. Oh, it is so very not over-hyped.

Spectacular, energetic, emotional, and wow. Sure, if you hate musicals you won't like it, but what kind of monster are you, anyway? (Sorry, William--inside joke.) I don't ever recall watching a musical that had me sitting on the edge of my chair. I don't recall the last time a movie made me tear up--more than once. And, having left drama club myself many years ago, I'd forgotten about the pure joy of a stage show.

Oh, and what's the show about? Well, shame on you if you don't know your history. (Which is why inaccuracies shouldn't be an issue--you people should already know this stuff.)

It's all about the life of future first U.S. Treasurer Alexander Hamilton, who as an orphan worked his way up from his dirt-poor beginnings and arrived in New York at an interesting time--just before the outbreak of the American Revolution. He meets future statues such as Aaron Burr, the Marquis de Lafeyette, and those Schuyler sisters, and eventually becomes the right hand man of the Continental Army's steel-willed commander, George Washington.

You've heard of Washington, right?

That's all covered in the first act. After all, there's a country to build in the second.

The story, in the end, is about Hamilton trying without much success to balance family and his own ambitions, which are pushed by memories of his impoverished childhood. His chief nemesis is future Vice-President Aaron Burr, and their power struggle fuels much of the conflict until an ending that you should have seen coming, if you cracked that history book. On the other side we have Eliza Schuyler, whose love for her husband Alexander causes her joy and pain over the course of their lives, and who provides much of the emotional center for the show.

Which is spectacular. Did I mention that?

 Hamilton is mostly sung (or rapped) opera style, and there never seems to be a moment when the cast, and even the stage, isn't on the move. It's almost exhausting, while also hilarious, heart-tugging, and engaging. Maybe it'll even get some people to pick up a history book.

And what about the color of the actors' skin?

Well, in short order you just don't notice it. Still, I think my comparison of white actors playing the black parts in Roots is unfair. There's a thread here, of people freeing themselves from the chains of another power, of the underprivileged trapped by their surroundings who fight to bring themselves up. Sure, lots of white people have been slaves through history, but rarely here, on the American continent. That's the story of black people, and it has its parallels with both Hamilton himself and the drive for American independence. Maybe someone at first just wanted to hire the people they knew for this play, or maybe to some it was a great gimmick, whatever ... but it works.

It hasn't pushed "1776" out as my favorite musical, but it's an apples and oranges thing anyway--and Hamilton is a solid number 2. And regardless of whether it makes you think, it sure makes you want to dance in your chair.

On a related note, keep this in mind for your Christmas list: I want the soundtrack.

I wanted to get away from all the anger and destruction going on in the world today, so I went looking for some light, fun reading.

I chose World War 1.

Nobody ever claimed I make all the best choices.

My only defense is that the book was a lot more fun than the actual war. In The World War 1 Trivia Book, Bill O'Neil takes us through some interesting stories and random facts from the war, and I know because that's the book's subtitle. It's a quick read (and would be useful, I suspect, for high school students looking for an overview), and O'Neil doesn't go into detail about every battle, or in depth about personalities involved.

He does give us an overview of related subjects, including the new technologies developed during the war. He explains clearly the political and ideological causes that led to the war, including the nations that came and went, before and after. More detail is put into the after-effects, and how they led to World War II and then beyond to linger into present times.

No blood and guts, but O'Neil also doesn't pull any punches about the effects of developing technology on the individual soldiers, and on their difficulty recovering from the conflict.

If you're already soaked in the history of the era this probably won't tell you anything new, but it's a good overview of a bad time, easily understood, and if you want you can ignore the quizzes at the end of chapters. (I got about a 90%, so yay me.)

The only real complaint I have is that the cover shows a World War II era tank, but what the heck.

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It's hard for any of us today to fully understand just how much of an underdog the American military was in 1942. In the Pacific the Japanese had a bigger navy, more experience, and often better arms. We had no reason to believe they didn't plan to invade Hawaii, then go on to attack West Coast cities. As nations played a dangerous game of chess across the vast ocean, a tiny, two and a half square mile atoll in the middle of nowhere was so important that Japanese destroyers shelled it the same day Pearl Harbor was attacked: the two islands of Midway.

(And by the way, the first U.S. Marine to earn the Congressional Medal of Honor during WWII earned it that day, at Midway.)

How can one movie possibly show how critical of a time that was, for both sides?

It turns out: pretty darned well.

I was concerned when I found out Midway actually starts with the Pearl Harbor attack. In 1976 Hollywood pulled together every famous actor they could find to tell just the story of Midway itself, the one battle, and it took them 132 minutes to do it. (Granted, they had to jam in a love story along the way.) This new movie was working in the Pearl Harbor attack, the Doolittle Raid, and other battles that happened along the way! How could they manage that?

Pretty darned well. And maybe in a way better: In the more than forty years since the first movie, many of us need a reminder of the chain of events leading up to the battle.

This Midway also brings in several celebrities, all of them playing real historical figures, from admirals to the poor back seat guy in the dive bombers, trying to drive away fighters without shooting off their own plane's tail. The movie pulls everything together by concentrating on a few characters who get to be involved in just about everything (and some of them really were). There are no star turns here: The impressive performances by people like Woody Harrelson, Dennis Quaid, and even Mandy Moore are all the more impressive because they manage to turn themselves into their characters--not stars playing their characters.

Similarly, there's the concern that giant explosions and flashy special effects might overwhelm the actual story. After all, it was directed by Roland Emmerich, who seems to have destroyed the world in every way possible. And there certainly were plenty of effects, but this is a war story, and they served the story instead of the other way around. I suspect some people will find them overwhelming; I also suspect that in some scenes they were meant to be. But it works: sometimes I became genuinely concerned about the characters even though I already knew what was going to happen.

Midway is overall historically accurate. But, to fit half a year's worth of war into 138 minutes, shortcuts are taken from time to time, and once or twice I found them jarring. For instance, at one point we see a navy commander make a critical decision about attacking the enemy, and in the next scene we see a carrier burning--you have to pay attention to understand they were connected.

But for the most part they do a good job--an amazing job, really--of guiding us through the strikes and counter strikes that led to this turning point in the Pacific War.

My Rating:

Entertainment Value:  4 out of 4 M&Ms. This was something of a throwback to the war movies of an earlier time, where you can actually enjoy the movie and understand the stakes without being buried in graphic violence and Important Messages. Not that there aren't messages to be had.

Oscar Potential: 2 out of 4 M&Ms. Everyone did a great job overall, but this doesn't seem to be the kind of movie Academy voters care about. I did sometimes wish I could insert John Williams' score from the first Midway into this one.