Relay Writer's Failed Ideas

SLIGHTLY OFF THE MARK

 

            I spent a lot of time in recent years thinking of cancer, which is strange because most of the men in my family seem to drop dead of heart attacks. You’d think I’d spend all my time making sure everyone around me updates their CPR training.

            Five years ago, after allegations that I was a pretty good writer, I was approached about doing public information work for the Noble County Relay For Life.

            Hopefully it was unrelated, but not long after I was sent to my urologist, Dr. Finger, after an unusually high reading on a routine test. He spoke those most dreaded of all medical sentences: “Drop your pants and bend over”.

            Thus his nickname.

           

( The thing is, I’ve engaged in that odd business known as volunteer firefighting, and back in the day – okay, decades ago – we usually did it without breathing protection. This is where the term “leather lungs” comes from, but it turns out inhaling all that smoke and poisonous gasses increases the odds for all sorts of cancers, including my favorite: prostate. It’s just that “leather prostate” doesn’t have quite the same ring to it. )